The Things We Do For Love
by Nat15
Summary: The worst part of loving someone is realizing you need to let them go. Unless you didn't have to... Unless you never knew.
1. CHAPTER ONE: The Things We Do For Love

**CHAPTER ONE: The Things We Do For Love**

"Why are you doing this?" The words echo in her room and all of a sudden it's like they're both back in middle school, stuck at a crossroads, with no way out in sight.

"I'm sorry, Lucas."

She reaches him in two hesitant steps, her gaze lost in the deep green of his emerald eyes, her willpower in the verge of drowning in her own gathering tears, as the silence in the room grows thicker and the last sunrays of summer welcome the night. Of all the terrible goodbyes she'd had to pull through for the last couple of weeks, Riley was sure this would prove to be the hardest one. Nevertheless, as much as it broke her heart to know she was breaking his too, as impossible as it felt to imagine life without the smile she had just erased from his features, Riley was painfully certain this was the right thing to do. If not for her sake then for Lucas's, she had to set him free, he deserved that much.

"I know you don't see it now, but this is for the best." Her trembling hands cup his cheeks and he can tell how hard she is trying to smile, even if it doesn't stop her voice from breaking "And we will still be…."

" _No_. Don't give me that ' _just friends_ ' crap." Lucas snaps, removing her hands from his face abruptly as he begins pacing "We've tried it, Riley! It doesn't work, not for us, that's not who we are! We aren't just friends, we never were and we don't know how to be! How can you not see that?"

The worst of all of his nightmares, his ever recurrent fear, was now not only taking shape right in front of him, but threatening to take away the future he had dreamed about and worked towards now for over half a decade, the future he knew they both deserved. As he stopped in his tracks, studying Riley's face, all he could see were the same ghosts from a past he believed they'd long left behind, all of these years later coming to haunt him yet again.

"Why is this so easy for you?" He all but yelled, frustrated, desperate. Lucas ran a hand through his hair, wrecking his brain for a solution, for he refused to believe there wasn't any. Still he couldn't think, he could only feel and even so he couldn't begin to understand or describe the rush of emotions running through his entire being. He would lose her. No, he couldn't lose Riley, not again, not ever. However, helplessness flooded over him as a sense of inevitability, as well as familiarity, started to hit way too close to home.

She was still right here, right in front of him, just a few steps away and yet Riley had never felt more distant, more dethatched from him, from reality even, so much so Lucas was afraid he'd move and she'd vanish. If he allowed himself to, he'd see she was barely just keeping it together herself. But he couldn't, Lucas couldn't hear her silent pleas or see past her poorly built walls, all he could hear were his own heartbeats, rapid and deafening, the only proof his heart was still in one piece inside his chest, all he could see behind his own tears were the blurry outlines of Riley's bedroom and the memories piling in every corner of it. Memories, everything they've been through, that's all those moments would be if he let her go through with this, the mere thought of it sending a chill all the way to his core.

"How do you do it Riley? Tell me, help me here, I'm begging you. Because I really don't know how to get through this, so please, just show me how you make it so easy to give up on us?"

"Lucas…" She averts her gaze, her whole body shaking.

" _I'm serious_!" He laughs exasperated, his voice so loud Riley can't hear her own thoughts "There must be a way, there has to be! Otherwise this would sound just as ridiculous to you as it feels to me. But it doesn't! Somehow it doesn't and I'm tired of being left; I'm tired of having you give up on me every time you're afraid we won't make it, every time you come up with reasons to believe you'll lose me! _You won't_! The only way to lose me Riley is if you tell me to go, because I don't want to leave you, not now, not ever."

He takes a few deep breaths trying to regain his composure, Riley is still not looking at him, standing like a statue with her hands folded on the center of the room. So he reaches for Riley's chin, lifting it gently, and once her eyes are finally back on his Lucas intertwines their fingers together. Her skin is cold, her eyes are puffy and red, she is on track shorts and an old t-shirt, her hair is a mess and she is still the most beautiful sight he has ever laid eyes upon.

"Please don't let me go, Riles. Please don't let us go."

"I'm not letting us go, Lucas." She whispers, her hands tightening around his. In a second of pure bliss, she watches Lucas's stunning smile find its way back to his lips and Riley does her best to savor every little detail of this moment with him, the warmth of his skin, the smell of his cologne, the look on his eyes. But just as soon as it comes his hopeful grin fades, once she lets go of his hands and takes a step back, a sad smile on her lips. _You're doing this for him_ , she replays in her head as if it could ease the pain on either of them "I'm setting us free."

Lucas's shoulders fall, those few words knocking out the last ounces of strength he had within him. _It's over_ , the certainty hit him as he looked down. He had nothing else to give, nothing more to fight for, he had told her he'd never leave unless she wanted him to go… and she did. That was when Lucas realized it, there was no point insisting on a relationship Riley didn't want to be a part of anymore, no point on trying to force her to be with him when he was no longer what she needed or desired. He loved her. Lucas loved Riley more than he had ever loved anyone or anything, that he was sure of, heartbreakingly so. But loving her meant putting her wishes above his own and, if he wasn't able to make her happy and fulfilled anymore, she deserved someone who could, even if it destroyed him to even consider having Riley love anyone else.

So he granted her that final wish, that last thing she wanted from him if anything at all. Lucas finally looked up, nodding in understanding, silently resigned. He didn't dare one last touch or even one last look, he couldn't trust himself with it, because deep down Lucas was sure even the slightest glimpse of the woman he loved would dissolve his resolve irretrievably and he couldn't afford to be selfish with her.

"Goodbye, Riley." The only words he could muster as he stormed out of her room and out of her life.

Her bedroom's door slammed closed, the sound echoing so loud she could feel it reverberate in her chest. Riley didn't move as the reality of what just happened started to set in. Lucas Friar, the only guy she had ever loved, was now gone. She tried to find comfort on knowing whatever pain she had to endure was on his best interest. He would go to the college he had always wanted, to make the biggest of all his dreams a reality. She had been a part of that, even if he'd never know. He'd get everything he deserved in life, he'd be happy. It should be enough for her, she knew so. Love was about sacrifice and she had just made the biggest of them all. However how could this be right when it felt so wrong?

When she was once again able to move and back to her senses at last, a few minutes or lifetimes later, Riley honestly couldn't tell, her room was already completely engulfed in darkness, an unwelcoming chill coming from the open window. Tonight fall would begin. In a couple of weeks almost all of her friends would be parting. Farkle and Isadora were off to Harvard. Zay would soon be on Julliard. And Lucas… Lucas would be on Texas A&M as he was supposed to.

Riley walked to her closet changing into her PJs, the NYU hoodie Lucas had bought her several weeks ago, once she received her acceptance letter, now staring back at her. She quickly turned away and closed the closet's door, unable to look at it any longer. He would never know he could have had a matching one. She tossed and turned all night trying to find some peace on dreamland, where she could do only what she wanted, not what she had to, but every time she closed her eyes flashes of Lucas's pain-itched features punched her awake.

Giving up on her failed attempts to escape the consequences of her own choices, Riley decided there was nothing to do but to embrace them, face the life she had settled for after having chosen one for Lucas. So she forced herself back to the closet and put on the NYU hoodie. She walked to her desk and picked up the box Lucas had given her on their first anniversary. It was now almost two years later, but she could have sworn only a few days ago they were returning hand in hand from a certain Ski Lodge. Sitting cross-legged on the bay window, the box on her lap, Riley finally found the courage to open it, unlashing all the memories she knew she'd never get past.

 **-x-**

 _"I really wanted to give you something special today." He led Riley to the bay window, sitting beside her with the wrapped gift on his lap._

 _"Lucas, you shouldn't have bought me anything! We agreed we wouldn't…"_

 _"I know." He rested a hand on top of hers "Which is why I didn't."_

 _"Okay so, why the gift?" She asked carefully, more than a little confused._

 _"Oh this?" He faked surprise, looking down at the gift, as if Lucas himself hadn't noticed he had it until now "I didn't buy it. I made it." He couldn't help but chuckling at Riley's stunned look "See, I'm not gonna lie, I did try looking for the perfect gift. But I couldn't find anything good enough, nothing felt right. So I thought back on all the amazing moments we shared together, not only over the last year, but since the very first day we met, and I realized what I want to give you… is a reason and a way to always remember what's really important."_

 _He finally handed her the box and Riley didn't even mind trying to hide how curious and excited she was to discover what hid behind the wrapping paper. As she tear through it, she found herself staring at a heart-shaped wooden box, neatly decorated with drawings of flowers and hearts, as well as a distinct picture of the Eiffel tower and 'Paris' written all over it on beautiful calligraphy._

 _"You did all of this by yourself?" Riley looked at him, half amused half suspicious, those drawings seem a bit too familiar._

 _"Well…" Lucas scratched the back of his neck, smiling nervously "I came up with the idea and I did make the box myself. I also chose everything that's inside it" Riley's eyes widened, surprised that there was even more to find within this already wonderful gift "But yeah, I had Maya help me with the decoration part. I wanted it to be perfect." He finally stated, blushing slightly, and Riley couldn't resist but pecking his lips._

 _"It is." She smiled at him and then back down at the box "Can I open it?"_

 _"Of course!"_

 _So she did. She opened the box to find all their important mementos inside. There was a subway ticket, a library card, the miniatures of a crown, a basketball and a bear and two small pieces of paper, one with Riley's favorite quote from Romeo and Juliet and one with a quote from Sense and Sensibility they both could particularly relate to. Finally her eyes fell on the red ring box and the purple jellybean, she wasn't sure how he had taken them without her realizing, but in the moment Riley really didn't care._

 _"Lucas…" Words failed her as she tried to express how grateful she was not only for the gift, but for him, for everything he was and everything it meant having him in her life._

 _"So you like it?" He smiled hopeful._

 _"Like it? I love it!" She put the box aside launching herself into his arms and connecting her lips with his. As she pulled away too soon Lucas was about to protest, but her soft hands on either side of his face silenced him in a second. She needed to look into his eyes for this, Riley needed to stare deep into her favorite shade of green and have Lucas know she meant the next words with every fiber of being "I love you."_

 _"I love you too." Even as he said it, Lucas realized he had never been so sure of anything in his entire life. He was about to kiss her once more, when Riley jerked her head back, rising one brow at him with a half smile._

 _"Why is it Paris themed, though?" She faked confusion._

 _"I think you know." Lucas practically whispered, delighted to see a knowing smile overtake Riley's lips a second before they found his again._

 **\- x -**

As she went through each of the items on the box, overwhelmed by the avalanche of memories and feelings they brought, Riley finally reached the item she had been looking for to begin with. Hidden under all those important pieces of their story, rested the letter… Lucas's acceptance letter to NYU and Riley's wake up call. She tugged at the ends of her hoodie, almost afraid to touch the piece of paper, but all it took was looking down to remember her clothing itself was a reminder of the reason she had to hide the letter in the first place.

 _"Who knows, maybe soon I'll be getting one of my own." He said as he helped her put on the hoodie._

He'd sounded so happy, so hopeful and content with the prospect of being on NYU… _with her_. But wasn't that the problem? He would have accepted, he would have stayed and he would have never given A &M a second thought until it was too late. Riley couldn't count how many times Lucas had told her about Texas A&M, about what a great school it was, about his father's time attending there. She couldn't take it away from him. He wouldn't choose NYU, he would choose _her_. He would choose her in spite of his own dreams.

Lucas was wrong. Riley didn't fear he would leave her. He had helped her grow out of those insecurities a long time ago. She was sure he loved her, almost as sure as Riley was she loved him. And for that exact reason she couldn't accept having Lucas miss out on something as important to him as A&M's veterinary program. She hated lying to him, she hated that she had to do it for so long, she hated that she'd become good at it to the point Lucas didn't even suspect. But she loved him. And he'd be happy. So it was worth it.

Riley finally picked up the letter, reading through it for probably the billionth time. Of course he had been accepted, he was brilliant, way more than most people realized. She hugged the letter to her chest, the tears rolling freely down her face, staining her skin, her hoodie, the letter itself. She needed to cry them out, all of them, now, before morning arrived and Maya with it, so they could start packing Riley's things. She'd be sharing a dorm with her best friend on the college they had always talked about. She had gotten her dream too right? Why did it suddenly didn't feel like enough? Why did she feel so incomplete?

As the sun rose Riley gathered everything back in the box, placing it on her desk again. She showered and put on some makeup, on her best effort not to look like she'd spent the night crying her soul out. She could only hope Maya's excitement over College would blind her to Riley's inner turmoil. It was captivating to see Maya finally hoping for things and allowing herself to be excited about the future and Riley really didn't want to ruin that for her. So she would do what she had learned to do best. She would fake. She would smile and pretend her heart wasn't breaking.

"Ready for the first day of the rest of our lives?" Maya squealed excitedly, smiling ever so big as she came through the window.

"Ready." Riley forced a smile. God, how she wished she could mean it.


	2. CHAPTER TWO: Fight or Flight

**CHAPTER TWO: Fight or Flight**

 _I'm setting us free._

As soon as he heard the words, despite Riley's best attempt to sugarcoat what they really meant, Lucas could feel them cutting through his chest, devastatingly sure these very words would haunt him for the rest of his days. He didn't _want_ to be set free, not from her. Quite on the contrary, for the longest time he'd wished everyday to be lucky enough to have and hold Riley for countless years to come. He didn't _need_ to be free of anything… _but she did._

She wanted to be free, from him, from their relationship. She was going to college, to NYU, and he would be across the country on A&M. Maybe she wanted a fresh start, no strings attached, or maybe he just wasn't enough anymore, maybe he had never been… perhaps deep down Lucas had known it all along and this entire time he'd only hoped she wouldn't see it too. But now she did and she wanted her freedom. How could he argue with that? Riley deserved it, she deserved the world and he would give it to her, whatever she wanted, even if it was no longer him.

For the next week, Lucas couldn't sleep. Every night was a new battle, as he helplessly tried to chase away his demons, some of which he'd believed to be long gone, only now they were back and stronger than ever, taking advantage of a Lucas completely stripped of his might. He'd tried fighting away his thoughts of Riley too; shake her words out for his sanity's sake. _I'm setting us free_. It was pointless; they were under his skin, stained like a curse.

Lucas barely left his room. His last week in New York City for who knows how long and he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. Not to the place, not to the people. Farkle and Isadora had left for Massachusetts only a couple of days before the breakup, so he thankfully got to say goodbye and wish them well before his entire world fell apart. But Zay… hell, he didn't even know if Zay had already moved to his dorm on Juilliard or if his classed had started. His life-long best friend, going through one of the biggest moments of his life, and for the last several days he hadn't crossed Lucas's mind.

Forcefully, he reached for his phone on the nightstand. Lucas had avoided it like the plague for the last week. Who was he kidding? He'd avoided the entire world, for he no longer knew how to survive on it, neither did he want to live on this new version reality, so he postponed it as long as possible. He felt defeated. Lucas Friar, Mr. Freaky Face, Golden Boy, Lucas the Good… gave up. He hated to admit it, but he didn't have any fight left in him.

For the last couple of months, Lucas had done his best to stay strong while his friends were all but falling apart; he had taken it upon himself to be their rock, like he always did. Of course everyone was excited about College, but it was impossible not to wonder what would happen to their friendship, not to fear they'd fall out of touch and break the precious bond they'd built over the years. When even Riley, ever the optimist, had doubted, Lucas had been the one to assure all of them everything would be okay, that things would work out for everyone. And for the most part they did… except for him. Now he was alone, soon to be gone and with no one to rely on. If only he had tried a little harder, if only Riley would give him another chance, if only… if only he had gotten into NYU. Lucas shook his head, ignoring the _what if_ s and _might have been_ s, as he lied on his back, dialing Zay's number.

" _He's alive_!" Zay mockingly greeted "Had me worried for a second there, buddy."

"I know; I disappeared. I'm sorry, man. Things just…" He didn't know what to say. Lucas couldn't even comprehend all the changes tearing his life to shreds on the last few days, let alone explain them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He didn't just want to talk, he wanted to scream! God, he wanted to cry and Lucas himself couldn't remember how long it'd been since he'd last shed a tear, even if he'd gotten dangerously close that night with Riley. He wanted to pour out all of these feelings instead of battling and bottling them inside, so that maybe he'd stand a chance at controlling or at the very least understanding them. But he couldn't. Realizing there wouldn't be an answer, Zay continued "I'll take that as a no."

"So has ballet camp started yet?" Lucas changed the subject.

"I'll pretend you didn't just say that." Zay laughed.

"Come on, I'm just messing with you! You know how proud I am that you go in."

"Yeah, well… Gonna be honest with you, I don't think it's set in just yet. I might need to have that first class and, you know, see how terrible I am compared to everybody else. Start working my butt off; get some blisters or a strained muscle. Maybe then I'll believe this is really happening." He chuckled in true Zay style, but Lucas knew him too well not to notice the sadness of his undertone.

"Okay, what did I miss? What happened to your confidence? You know, that loud, annoying, never wavering one?!"

"It's still here, man. Believe me, it is and right now that's the one thing getting me to go through with this madness. This is me being confident and taking the biggest leap of faith I've risked in my entire life."

Both, Lucas and Zay, remained silent for long uncomfortable seconds. Where was this coming from? Lucas remembered Zay's reaction to Juilliard's acceptance letter in detail. He did freaking pirouettes! He wouldn't shut up about how he was going to make it on Broadway or whatever and wouldn't stop thanking… _Riley_ … for convincing him to apply and give his passion for dance a real shot. Lucas couldn't understand how Zay had gone from pirouetting excited to shaking in his boots, well, ballet shoes.

"What's with all this crap now?" He finally inquired, once past the shock over his friend's new found insecurities "I've seen you dance, Zay, you're _incredible_!"

"Yeah, 'cause you're quite the expert, aren't you, square dance?"

"You can't even use this joke on me, you're a Texan too!" A shy chuckle escaped Lucas, taken aback by Zay's quick response.

"Damn, you're right."

They both laughed. It was incredible how Zay could so easily change the mood of a conversation. It was like this gift of his. For a long time Lucas and many of their friends had given Zay a hard time about his big mouth, bad timing and so called inopportune jokes. But now Lucas couldn't help but wonder if that entire time Zay really didn't know what he was doing or if his best friend had always been purposely intervening whenever times got hard, helping unnoticed on the sidelines. And if so, had any of them done the same for him? Before Lucas could deepen on such thought, Zay's voice brought him back.

"So… A&M. Is it really happening?" He spoke carefully, tip toeing around the real question.

"Yes." Lucas answered shortly.

"What about…" He trailed off.

"There's nothing for me here, Zay. Not anymore." Zay wasn't sure what he had expected to hear, but this surely wasn't it.

"I thought you were considering NYU." He pushed his luck a little further. Last time Zay checked, Lucas was worried out of his mind about not getting his letter, even if he wouldn't tell anyone else about it. He didn't want them… well _her_ , to worry too. A&M was his second option at best. When in the span of a week had that gone out of the window?

"Never heard back from them. And honestly, _it's better that way_." He did his best to mean it, but if Lucas couldn't even make himself believe it, why would anyone else?

"I see..." He was curious. Of course Zay was worried about his friend too, but _man_ he was curious about whatever happened to Lucas's 10-year-plans "So when are you leaving?"

"In two days."

" _What_? I thought you were staying at least another week!"

"So did I." Lucas voice was a broken whisper.

If he still had any doubts, Zay was now more than certain something had gone terribly wrong. _Something with Riley_. Ever since she had gotten her letter from NYU, and Lucas hadn't received his, Zay had watched his friend make it his life's mission to spend every second he possibly could with his girlfriend. He had extended his stay on the city and decided to wait until the very last minute to go to Texas; he'd be arriving on campus only a day before classes begun. Now it looked like he couldn't get out of New York fast enough. His best friend would be gone too soon, too suddenly, and with a lot of unfinished business as it seemed.

"Plans change, I guess." Zay knew better than to expect Lucas to pour his heart out to him, especially through the phone. So he let it go… for the time being.

"They sure do." The pain was more than apparent in his voice.

"Okay. Well, I need to see you before you go. Do you need help packing or maybe we could meet somewhere tomorrow…"

"Topanga's?" He wasn't sure what kind of conditioned response that was, the word leaving his lips so fast Lucas didn't have the chance to consider it and, for an even stranger reason, he couldn't bring himself to take it back.

"Hum… sure." Now he really didn't know what to make of any of this. If Zay was right about what Lucas's sudden change of plans and demeanor was about, why of all places would he want to meet at Topanga's? "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, at six?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"Sounds good."

"See ya, ballet boy." Lucas smiled sadly and, little did he know, Zay mirrored his expression on the other side of the line.

"Whatever you say, square dance."

Hanging up, Lucas didn't have time to think through his conversation with Zay. He was almost certain his friend had caught on to his heartbreak and there was clearly something going on with him as well. His trail of thought was cut short, however, as his mother knocked on the door, letting herself into his room with a warm smile.

"Pappy Joe called."

"Yeah?" Lucas sat up on the end of his bed, his mother taking the spot next to him.

"Yes! He's so excited to have you back there. He was going on and on about how he had the guest room painted and about all the new furniture he's got…"

"He does know I'll be living on campus though, right? On College Station, like two hours away from Austin?" He hated himself for sounding so harsh. He didn't mean to be rude, but the thought of leaving for A&M unnerved him beyond comprehension and college was all anyone would talk about in the Friar household lately.

"Well, yes…" His mother's smile faltered as she studied the troubled aspect of her son "But Pappy Joe misses you and, when your father and I told him you'd be attending college on Texas, there was no stopping him. You know how much he loves you Luke, he's excited to have you spend some more time with him, in weekends and holidays, and he just wanted you to feel at home. I think he may even have a nice surprise waiting for you. Lucas, are you listening?" Her mother shook his shoulder, forcing him back to reality.

"Hum? Sorry, I was just, I've been just…" What should he say? What could he? _Hey, sorry Mom, it's just you mentioned Texas and my mind went spinning for a minute with all the reasons I don't want to go_. Yeah, probably not the answer she was looking for.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Her tone was loving, but undoubtedly worried.

"Nothing, I…" She didn't let him finish. Not when once more her son was shutting her out. It'd been so long since he'd last closed up like this, he hadn't since… No. She wouldn't as much as allow herself to consider it. This wasn't happening again.

"You've been locked in this room for days. You have bags under your eyes the size of basketballs. You barely eat. You've been avoiding everything and everyone and your father and I have given you space, but if something's wrong we need to know, Lucas."

"I'm just overwhelmed, that's all. You know, moving, College, it's a lot. I need some time to get adjusted to all of these… _changes_." He could say no more, blinking back the tears he had been fighting for what felt like an eternity now; Lucas eyes silently begged his mother to understand he needed to be alone.

She simply nodded, her lips a thin line. It was the first time in weeks Lucas saw his mother look anything but happy and he had been the one to erase her smile. When would he stop disappointing people? He watched as she left the bed and crossed his room, stopping by the door and looking back at him.

"If you really mean to be on that flight in two days, it might be a good idea to start packing, Luke. Your father got you some boxes; they're in the living room. Let me know if you need help with anything, okay?"

Lucas was perfectly aware his mother meant to extend her help way beyond packing, even if she didn't know what exactly was going on. It was for her own good that she didn't though, her son would be leaving for College on a couple of days, he'd be living alone for the first time and on the other side of the country, to top it all off; she didn't need any more reasons to worry. She forced a smile, defeated by his silence, and exited the room closing the door behind her. Lucas threw himself back on the bed, closing his eyes and pointlessly wishing next time he opened them the past week turned out to be just one big nightmare.


	3. CHAPTER THREE: Blank Canvas

**Author's note: Thank you so very much for following, favoriting and/or reviewing this story! You guys have no idea how much it means to me! I've been having a great time writing these chapters and I hope you enjoy reading them just as much! So please, let me know what you feel or think about them, because your feedback is incredibly inspiring!**

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 **CHAPTER THREE: Blank Canvas**

The dorm was exactly how Riley had imagined it and yet entirely different. Two days ago, after first stepping foot on it, her room for the next few years was just a small white box, with two single beds, two dressers, a desk and a bathroom. Or at least, that's what Riley saw. Maya, on the other hand, was more than a little excited about their new home, which she lovingly nicknamed _blank canvas_.

Riley had pictured living on a college dorm countless times over the years. She had wondered how it'd feel the first time she entered her room, to spend the first night in it, to decorate it… And now here she was. When Riley first laid eyes upon her room it was every little bit as she expected it, but the excitement she now more than ever desperately needed to experience never came. Her first night wasn't any different from the terrible ones she previously had… for days on end Riley was a stranger to sleep and she'd be foolish to believe a change of scenario would magically fix it.

At least the decorating aspect of the college dream had seen some progress, thanks to Maya for the most part. Over the last 48 hours, they'd worked together to put up posters and paintings all over the walls, tried about fifteen different ways to locate every precious piece of furniture and miraculously gotten their clothes and shoes to fit in the two poky dressers. Maya had suggested they do each side of the room differently, according to their own personalities, and she couldn't get started on hers soon enough. She had been devastated to find she wasn't allowed to paint the walls or the furniture, but it didn't stop her from spreading drawings all over her side and the more she worked on it the more stunning it looked.

Riley… well, Riley played her part. She pretended to be excited about the whole blank canvas concept and helped her best friend get everything into place and then out of place and back again, as many times as Maya see fit. She'd help Maya hang something on the wall whenever it was out of her reach and listen encouragingly to all of her excited monologues about art school. Riley did everything with a smile on her face, trying her hardest to get her inside to match her outside, but her heart never caught up to the feelings she faked.

Now, on a chilly autumn Friday night, Riley lied alone in her bed completely lost in thought, her stare locked to the ceiling and her hands buried in the pockets of her sweatshirt, one of them holding tightly the infamous letter. It was the first time she was alone since they'd moved, Maya had left to do… something. Riley could have sworn her friend had told her where she was off to, but she honestly couldn't remember. Not that it was all that surprising, she felt like a ghost for the last week, her spirit completely detached from her body. She was physically here with Maya, decorating their dorm room and starting this new chapter of their lives. Her mind, however, was somewhere else. _On someone else_.

"So has it given you all the answers yet?" Startled by Maya's voice, she jumped awake.

"What?" Riley asked confused, sitting on the bed.

"The ceiling. You've been staring at it for so long I figured it must be telling you something." She folded her arms, resting against the doorstep. Riley noticed a small box by Maya's feet, but quickly returned her eyes to her best friend, her mind racing in the search of yet another excuse.

"Oh, that. I was just taking little a break from, hum, you know… decorating."

"Yeah, because you _clearly_ have been working real hard while I was gone." Maya's voice was heavy with sarcasm as she crossed the room, stopping by the end of Riley's bed and lightly kicking the box next to it "What about this?"

"I was getting to it."

"Like you've been getting to it for the past two days? At this pace I doubt you'll unpack before we graduate, honey." Maya chuckled, sitting down next to Riley and resting a hand on her knee "So how long are we avoiding this?" When her best friend shot her a questioning look Maya rolled her eyes playfully "And now you say ' _not avoiding nothing, just life moving on beyond that thing that happened between me and Lucas._ '"

Riley's widened eyes were a confirmation Maya didn't really need. For the last week or so Riley had been anything but herself and it was impossible not to notice. It almost hurt Maya to think her best friend really believed she'd fallen for her act. Still she played along, tried to get her excited about the move, the room, the classes… she didn't want to confront Riley about whatever happened, trusting that eventually she'd come for help, advice or just a shoulder to cry on. But Riley did none and Maya could no longer stand and watch while her best friend came apart at the seams.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Riley whispered, avoiding her look.

"Riles, it's me. Peaches. You don't have to fake with me. Ever!" Maya cupped her face with both hands, staring ever so deep into her brown eyes, her gaze breaking through every one of Riley's walls.

"He's gone, Maya."

Those were the only words Riley managed before diving into Maya's embrace, her sobs rocking her body so hard for a second she truly feared falling apart. But she wouldn't, Riley knew so as Maya's arms tightened around her, keeping her together. She kept her eyes closed, trying to steady her mismatching breaths, as the minutes went by. When Riley felt like she could finally let go, the brunette slowly loosened her grip on Maya, who studied her with worried eyes.

"Better?"

"Not really. But I will be." She smiled weakly "Thank you for being here."

" _Always_." Maya held Riley's hand "Do you want to tell me what happened now?"

"I broke up with him." As shock spread across Maya's features Riley knew her friend needed some more explaining "I had to, Maya. Lucas deserves to have his dream, he deserves the best, how could I possibly take that away from him?"

"Riles, you're not making any sense."

Unsure of how to put her thoughts into words and too exhausted to push through the feelings clouding her mind to try and built any reasonable explanation, Riley simply handed Maya the letter hidden in her sweatshirt.

"He got in. _Lucas got into NYU!_ " Maya exclaimed, her eyes growing bigger by the second as she scanned through the paper. Only after having read through the whole thing did it finally hit her "But _you_ have the letter. Riley, why do you have his letter?"

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and finally allowing her mind to travel back to one terrible afternoon Riley had tried so hard to forget.

"It was about a week after you and I received ours…"

 **\- x -**

 _"Are you sure your mother doesn't mind me staying for dinner?" She asked as they walked hand in hand, on the way back from school._

 _"Are you sure you even need to ask? She loves having you there, Riles! My parents would probably have you adopted by now hadn't I stopped them." Riley simply rolled her eyes, trying to hide her reddening cheeks._

 _"Wouldn't you just love being my brother though?" She let go of his hand, walking backwards so she could face Lucas with a teasing grin._

 _"Nah, been there done that." He faked indifference "Plus, if I were your brother I couldn't do this." It happened so fast Riley's heart skipped a beat. Before she knew it Lucas's arms were closing around her and pulling her up, his lips meeting hers on a delicious stolen kiss "I don't know about you, but I like this much better." He whispered; his forehead against hers as he slowly lowered her back to the sidewalk._

 _"Yeah, it's alright, I guess." She managed to keep a straight face for a whole two second before surrendering to one of Lucas's beloved Riley Matthew's smiles._

 _"You sure should hope it's better than alright, because you're stuck with it."_

 _"Is that so?" She rose one brow at him, biting her bottom lip and folding her arms._

 _"Uhum." His hands found her hips as Lucas smiled down at her "I'm not letting you go, Riley Matthews." She put on a smile and buried her face in Lucas's chest, once more locked within his embrace._

 _If only he knew the real reason behind the gesture. She couldn't risk holding her stare to his any longer, afraid Lucas would have one look into her eyes and see the concern hidden behind them. For weeks Riley had tried to shake one annoyingly insistent worry out of her system, but with every day that went by she felt more uneasy about it. He'd give up whatever to be with her… that was the problem._

 _When Riley and Lucas arrived to his apartment, in the late afternoon, they were faced with an unusual scene. Mrs. Friar, usually calm and collected, was running around the kitchen in the verge of insanity it seemed._

 _"Mom? Is everything ok?"_

 _"No, everything is not okay!" She admitted exasperated "Your father called and he's bringing Carl for dinner. He's been working so hard for that promotion and I know he means to impress his boss, but I'm not sure it's going to happen given what I have to work with here! I might as well serve him mac and cheese!" She whined._

 _"I'm sure it's not that bad, come on! We're going to make this work." Lucas hurried to her side, placing his hands on both her shoulders so she would stop pacing and look at him "What do you need?"_

 _"I need you to run to the market and get me something to cook that won't make for a child's meal!" She dropped her head on her son's shoulder._

 _"Can you give me a list?" Hope flashing through her eyes, she rapidly wrote down everything she needed, giving him the list along with a credit card. Lucas took a quick look at the items and shoved the paper and the card on his pocket "Consider it done." He smiled "I'll be back before you know it." Lucas hurried to the door, pecking Riley's lips on his way out._

 _"Mrs. Friar, can I help with anything?" Riley watched as the woman turned around, almost startled by her voice, as if she hadn't yet noticed her presence._

 _"Oh Riley, dear, I'm so sorry about all of this."_

 _"You have nothing to apologize for, Mrs. Friar."_

 _"What did I tell you about calling me that?" She placed both hands on her hips._

 _"That it makes you feel old, sorry, Jennifer." Riley giggled "Anyways, is there anything I can do?" Jennifer considered the offer for a second. She knew the living room wasn't a mess, but it could use a little tiding._

 _"If you'd be kind enough to help me make the house a little more presentable, I'd really appreciate it. Just, you know, gather whatever the boys may have thrown around. Lucas and his father aren't the messiest but…"_

 _"But they're still boys." Riley finished, like it was the most obvious conclusion on the world and they both laughed, a breath of relief escaping the older woman._

 _"Thank you, darling. We're so lucky to have you… I mean, Lucas is." She giggled and Riley couldn't help but blush._

 _"No need to thank me, Mrs… hum, Jennifer. Now let's go, we've got a crisis to avert."_

 _Riley did as she was told. She gathered a pair of sneakers Lucas forgot by the doorstep and took it to his room, put away a coat thrown on the couch and organized the pillows so they looked neat and tidy. Finally she focused on the dining table, noticing a pile of letters._

 _"Jennifer, your mail is here. What should I do with it?" She called out, loud enough so Mrs. Friar could hear her from the kitchen._

 _"Yes! Completely slipped my mind. Hum, just take it to the office, I'll sort it out later."_

 _Once again, Riley obeyed, taking the small pile to Mr. Friar's office, but in the hurry to finish the task and get back to the dining room the letters slipped over the desk's edge, spreading all over the floor. She was almost done gathering them when one letter in particular caught her attention, her eyes widened as Riley's hand hovered above it. She'd recognize that logo anywhere._

 _NYU._

 _"Thank you so much, Luke! You're a life-saver" She could hear Mrs. Friar cheer in the distance._

 _Lucas was home. Just as the realization hit her, Riley heard steps approaching and instinctively, for a reason she didn't entirely understand, she found herself folding the letter and hiding it in her back pocket a second before Lucas entered the room._

 **\- x -**

"Then I took the letter home and I, I honestly didn't know what to do with it. I wasn't even sure why I took it in the first place. But then…"

"But then he got into A&M." Maya narrowed her eyes as she connected the dots "Two weeks after we were accepted, Lucas got a letter from Texas." Riley looked down, fidgeting with her fingers.

"That night, after celebrating with the Friars, I opened the letter. I think I knew he'd gotten in before even reading it, but I had to be sure. And once I was I knew I couldn't give it back. I mean, he'd just been accepted to the college of his dreams! You should have seen his parents; they were over the moon with the news!"

"It wasn't your call to make, honey." Maya said carefully, afraid of how Riley would respond.

"Wasn't it? _He'd stay, Maya_! Lucas would stay _for me_ , he'd choose NYU _for me_ , wouldn't I be making the call either way? So yes! I chose. I chose for him, so he wouldn't have to choose for me." She practically yelled; her voice a mix of rage and sadness. It took one look at Maya's expression for Riley to regret exploding like that. She covered her face with both hands, frustrated for lashing out on her friend "I'm sorry, I just… I'm really sorry."

Maya didn't know what to say. It wasn't a surprise Riley would choose Lucas's happiness over her own, or at least that's what she thought she was doing. If Maya knew Lucas at all, after years being his friend and observing him and Riley, she was pretty sure he would be just as devastated as she was about this. She decided not to comment any further on it though, at least not for now. Riley looked like she was barely holding it together and Maya wasn't about to risk another blow. She wasn't sure what it would take for her best friend to recover from this, but whatever it was Maya intended to be exactly what Riley needed.

"Okay, so what now?"

"Now…" Riley took in her surroundings. She looked at all of the boxes she hadn't had the heart to unpack, at Maya's side of the room completely decorated compared to her own practically untouched and finally down at Lucas's letter "I have to unpack, get enrolled on some classes, figure out a way to keep moving. I don't know what's going to happen, peaches. It's like _my whole life_ is a blank canvas all of a sudden and it's terrifying." She chuckled sadly as another thought crossed her mind "A purple cat won't cut it this time."

Maya wrapped one arm around her best friend, pulling Riley against her side. She'd just let the only man she'd ever loved go, exactly for loving him too much, and yet here she was, doing her best to pull through it, trying to do it with a smile. Maya looked down at her in awe, wondering when did Riley become so mature, so strong.

"In that case, I might be able to help. I love me some blank canvas." She laughed, getting up from the bed and walking to the doorstep "And since you couldn't seem any less interested on decorating your side of the room, I took the liberty to buy you some bits and pieces." Maya picked up the box she'd left by the door, bringing it back so Riley could overhaul its contents "So, what should we start with? Fairy lights or artificial flowers?"

For the first time in the past week, a genuine smile took hold of her lips. Words couldn't express how thankful Riley was to have Maya in her life, her safe heaven even when the rest of the world seemed to be falling apart.


	4. CHAPTER FOUR: A Friend in Need

**Author's note: I'd just like to thank again everyone who's reading this fanfic for the support you guys have been giving me. I'm really enjoying writing this story and I love going through your reviews, so please keep them coming, because your opinions are very much appreciated! I would also like to warn you that starting next week I might take longer to post, because classes on college will be back on. I will do my best to update as soon as I can though. All in all, I hope you like the new chapter! If you do, please let me know!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR: A Friend in Need**

Every muscle in his body buzzed with nervous energy as Lucas stepped into Topanga's. Being an orphan from sleep for countless nights and wasting every waking moment jumping from worry to fear and back again, it was getting harder to deny how close he was to his breaking point. He'd spend all night trying to make sense out of… well, anything really. He wasn't sure how the mess he now called life had come to be or how had he been blind enough to not see it coming. Truthfully, Lucas didn't recall feeling this lost ever since… _a long time ago_.

But it was more than that now. There were other things he didn't understand, things way beyond Riley and him or their break. As hard as he'd tried to isolate himself from the world, after such a huge piece of his had been stolen, he couldn't afford to lose or fail anyone else, especially not when they needed him most. Right now, Zay topped that list. Whatever was going on with his best friend, Lucas knew he needed his help and since he would be on a plane to the other side of the country in less than 24 hours, Lucas had to get this Zay thing straightened out and he had to do it now.

He did his best to push past all the memories Topanga's brought to surface as he reached the café. While Lucas still didn't understand why he even suggested they meet here, he refused to let himself get caught up on it now. This wasn't about him, it was about Zay. He spotted his friend sitting on their usual table, his expression serious as he stared into nothingness. Lucas had considered a few options on how to ease into the topic since their phone call, but taking in the picture before him he gave up. There was no point or time to go in circles. This was the last he would see of Zay for who knows how long and he wasn't about to waste their precious time faking ignorance. So he marched to his friend, taking the seat next to him and going straight to the point.

"Okay I'm here. Now, where are you?" He demanded.

"Hum…" Zay looked around confused, shifting uncomfortably on his seat "Not sure I'm following you here, Luke."

"I'll explain it to you then." Lucas clasped his hands as if for effect "Last night a guy called me on your phone, but there's no way it was you. And I want my best friend back. So you wanna tell me what's going on or…?" He didn't need to push any further. Zay was aware this was coming and, knowing Lucas, he was certain there was no point resisting.

"You know when I told you I needed to watch my first class and have a reality check, so that maybe the whole Juilliard thing would sink in?" Lucas nodded; his eyebrows knit together "I lied."

"What do you mean?"

"I _have_ watched a class. On Juilliard. All freshmen were invited to attend the seniors's opening class and… I went." He looked away. Zay already felt self-conscious enough about this story without having Lucas eyes boring into his as he went through it.

"So?" He inched closer to Zay, impatient to discover where he was going with this.

"They were incredible! Better than anything I've ever seen and… better than I could ever hope to be. Dancing on that level is just beyond me, Luke. I don't, I don't belong there." The thought had felt terrible even when guarded within his head, but to actually say it, that was a hundred times worse and a whole lot more real.

"I'll pretend you didn't just say that." Lucas quoted Zay himself, which seemed to finally get his attention "Come on, so you've been to one class and the dancers are really good, big deal! So are you and Juilliard will make you even better! Of course you have a lot to learn, Zay, but the best part is you have the means and the talent! Not everyone can say that. Look at me, I was born with two left feet and no rhythm to make up for it! I could take lessons for the rest of my days and still never step up from square dancing."

"True." He agreed in all seriousness, until Lucas jaw dropped in amusement and Zay lost the battle against laughter.

"Okay, you didn't _have_ to agree." Lucas laughed along.

"You know I'm a terrible liar."

"For a terrible liar…" Lucas's laughter was reduced to an honest smile "You're doing a great job at lying to yourself." He watched as Zay's head dropped.

"Look, I know you think I have cold feet, but what if this is all one big mistake? I mean, how many people even make a career out of dancing? Those seniors were amazing, but how many of them can expect job offers and contracts by the time they graduate? Maybe it's time to stop living the dream and get my feet on the ground for a change. I know you mean well, but talking me into going through with this… maybe that's not quite the support I need."

Lucas felt a chill run up his spine as he recognized the feeling drenching Zay's tone. He was all too familiar with it. _Hopelessness_. He knew how much it hurt, how it could drain a person's sense of worth and willpower. Furthermore, Lucas knew how fast it could work its way into someone's system, pulling them under like quicksand, and he wasn't about to witness Zay sink any deeper.

"Okay... How's this for support? You belong there as much as any of them do, if not more. You have a talent, Zay, a real gift! And you've worked so hard for so many years, even when people would give you crap for it or doubt you could make it. Zay, you did! You've made it! Nobody _gave_ you this chance, you've _earned_ it. You deserve this opportunity to grow and make a career out of what you love and you'd be stupid to let it go because you're scared. And I, I would be a terrible friend if I stood by and let you do it."

"I can't let my family down." He confessed, his voice merely a whisper "They've done everything they could to give me the best shot at a decent future. I can't afford to waste it."

So that was it. That's what he was worried about. Growing up, Lucas witnessed Zay's parents work harder than he thought humanly possible to make sure they could guarantee their son a better life than their own. For a long time, Zay seemed to resent them for never being home and missing important occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, in exchange of a work trip or extra shift, reason why he got so attached to the Friars in the first place. He'd always have a chair in their Thanksgiving table and a special gift waiting under the Christmas tree.

His family feud got even worse once he and Lucas started getting into trouble on the early years of middle school, though Lucas had always suspected the tension at home was the reason behind Zay's recklessness, not the other way around. It was as if his friend feared he would never live up to his parents's plans and expectations, so he didn't even try. However, it never felt like the topic was up for discussion and if Zay wouldn't allow him an opening, Lucas decided not to push the boundaries.

The only member of his family Zay had always spoken lovingly and openly about was his grandmother. She was his everything. The one who always knew how to bring him back when he lost his way, who believed in him when not even Zay did, the one who encouraged the little boy who wanted to take ballet classes to follow his dream despite how against it everyone else seemed to be. Not to mention she made the best cookies. Suddenly the memory of a cold November evening on junior year crossed Lucas's mind. He hadn't seen Zay cry since they were both little kids and suddenly his best friend stormed into his room, face covered with tears. His grandmother was dead.

It took him months to recover from the news and start living his life again instead of grieving over the loss of hers, but even back then, one thing was for sure, Zay was determined to grant his grandmother her last wish. He would make peace with his parents. Lucas never knew what exactly happened or what it took to fix years of missed family meals, but for the past several months the Babineaux family had been just that, a family. Maybe grieve brought them together or maybe they didn't want to waste any more time arguing after such a tragic reminder of how short life really is.

And now here Zay was. Scared to death of disappointing the family he'd always had, but only recently started to feel like his. Terrified all of his parents's hard work, the very reason his relationship with them was ever so broken, could be wasted on one wrong decision. While Lucas could finally understand Zay's worries and insecurities, he also knew they weren't founded on anything other than fear and they'd both learned a lesson or two on the topic over the years, which Zay clearly needed to be reminded of.

"Do you remember when I rode Tombstone?" Zay nodded still avoiding his gaze "Do you remember how scared I was and how everyone…" _Riley_. Lucas shook his head, trying to move past the images of his ex-girlfriend flashing through his brain, as he corrected himself " _Almost_ everyone was convinced I couldn't do it? I mean, I don't blame them, I didn't think I'd make it myself."

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?" Zay asked annoyed.

"You've gotta face your fears. You ride them or they ride you." Lucas didn't elaborate and the look on Zay's face was proof he didn't need to.

"Pappy Joe said that."

"Yes, he did." Lucas nodded, turning his body completely so he was properly facing his friend "You want to make your parents's hard work pay off? You want to make them proud? Then stop sabotaging yourself because if you keep doing it, believe me, it won't matter the career you choose, there's no way to succeed when you don't think you can. You and I both know that you were _born_ do this."

Zay considered his words for a moment and as the corner of his lips started to curl into a grin, Lucas knew he had achieved his goal.

"Thank you for believing in me." His voice was honest and grateful, relieved even.

Lucas simply smiled weakly and nodded; an aching on his chest as it hit him… _I once had someone believe in me as well_. As if sensing his pain Zay cleared his throat, aware there was still one matter in need of discussing.

"So… you and Riley."

"There's no me and Riley anymore." He snapped out of his inner battle, focusing back on Zay, who didn't seem surprised in the least "But you already knew that."

"Well, on the phone you sounded so… I can't say I didn't suspect."

"Yeah, we broke up. Well, she broke up." _She broke me_ , the voice within reminded him yet again.

"Did she tell you why?" Zay's tone was low and careful.

"She said… she's setting us free. I thought she might be scared of what could happen if I moved to Texas, I thought maybe she didn't want me to have to break us up so she did it instead, I told her I'd never leave unless she wanted me to and… she did. She doesn't want to be with me anymore, Zay. And I can't force her."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Riley Matthews here? Because that doesn't sound _anything_ like Cotton Candy Face."

"Look, it doesn't make sense for me either, but it's what she wants." He answered shortly. Lucas didn't want to sound angry, damn it, he didn't want to _feel_ angry, but he couldn't help it either.

"When did this even happen?" Zay frowned, still having a hard time wrapping his head around it all.

"A week ago. Well, eight days, but who's counting?" Lucas said bitterly.

"That's why you're leaving tomorrow?" He nodded defeated "So you're running away." Zay stated matter-of-factly.

Lucas forced out a sarcastic chuckle "I really don't need this right now."

"That's it? All of those years and the whole triangle mess and everything you've been through since, that's just over? You're just going to give up?"

" _I've tried_!" Lucas all but yelled, calling the attention of a few people around "I _begged_ her, Zay, but she doesn't love me anymore! And I've spent the past week trying to make sense out of this, looking for a way out this mess and I don't see any! So yes, I'm running away. I'm leaving because I'm driving myself crazy thinking about her and everywhere I turn, everywhere I look in this city she's there!"

A mix of shock and worry filled Zay as he noticed Lucas's voice falter, his anger fading into despair. He wondered if those were tears gathering in his eyes or if it could possibly just be a light trick. It'd been forever since Lucas had been anywhere near this devastated. He hated seeing his best friend like this and he hated even more knowing there was nothing he could do to bring him back from the darkness he was walking into. There was ever only one person who'd managed to save Lucas Friar from himself before and this time she was the very reason he needed rescuing.

Lucas covered his eyes with one hand, allowing himself a moment before he could go on and feeling the unshed tears burn their way back in retreat, until he finally felt ready to speak.

"I've been locked in my room for days and even so I can't escape. There are just too many memories."

There was no point pushing him any further, it wouldn't do Lucas any good, Zay knew so. If anything he needed to try and pull Lucas's thoughts out of the wicked spiral he was sure they were going down. He smiled to himself as a thought crossed his mind.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather you spare me the details of whatever memories you have with Riley in your room." Zay watched Lucas roll his eyes, but he could have sworn the blonde half smiled at the comment "Come on! Just trying to lighten up the mood here."

"As you always do…" Lucas nodded in agreement. His friend was doing it again, looking out for him on his own unique way. He'd been right, Zay actually _had_ the best timing in the world, even if the world itself would never agree "Thanks, man, but I don't think you can, not this time. I can't run from how I feel about Riley and running away from New York is as close as I'll get. Plus, I'd have to leave for Texas anyway, I might as well just get it over with."

"I understand. I'm just going to miss you."

"Hey, we'll still talk. And you can visit." Lucas tried to sound positive.

"So can you."

"Yeah… we'll see."

Lucas failed to hold his smile. There was only one thought that hurt him more than leaving Riley and New York behind… and that was coming back to the city to find she had moved on, the certainty that it'd happen sooner or later. Riley was incredible, any guy would be lucky to be with her. Eventually she'd find someone to replace him, which was unfair since the reciprocal surely wasn't true.

"Look, I better get going." Lucas left his seat, burying his hands in his pockets.

"But we didn't even order anything! You just came here and went all Dr. Phill on me!" Zay laughed, standing up as well.

"I mean, you're welcome." He rocked back and forth on his heels "I'm serious, though, I have bags to pack and an early flight to catch tomorrow."

"What time is it again?" Zay asked absentmindedly.

"Seven o'clock."

"Yeah, that _is_ early. Well, I guess I'll see you. Call me when you land." He hugged Lucas.

"Will do. I'll miss you, Zay."

"I'll miss you too, Luke." They let go of the hug, mirroring each other's sad smiles.

As he was walking out, Lucas stopped by the door, granting himself one last moment of yearning. It's odd how attached you can get to a place. No, it was not the place. As welcoming as Topanga's was, it wasn't the tables or the counter or the chairs he was attached to. Lucas was attached to the memory of sitting on those chairs and holding Riley's hand for the first time and having ice cream with his favorite people in the world, along with so many other special moments.

Unfortunately the nostalgia didn't last long. As his eyes scanned through the all too familiar café, he felt his heart sink within his chest. He hadn't lied to Zay, everywhere he turned he saw her ghost. Topanga's was now more than a memories's safe box, it was yet another reminder of his downfall. Perhaps somewhere deep down Lucas knew he needed this, even before he could understand why. He left Topanga's not feeling any less lost or any more healed, but convinced he had to at least try saying goodbye to the city he'd called home for the last several years, even if it meant suffering through the memories, for facing this end might be his only chance at a new beginning.

Zay watched his best friend walk away dispirited, his heart heavy with worry and his mind racing with everything he'd just learned. Not that having Lucas confirm his suspicions had at all helped him connect the dots. None of it made sense. He knew Lucas had been honest with him, but there had to be more to this story, even if Lucas himself wasn't aware and even if Zay had no idea what it was either, something was missing.

He wasn't sure what he could or should do, but he knew there wasn't much time to figure it out. Lucas would be in a plane in a few hours and along with New York he'd be leaving behind his chances at reconciling with his _one true love_. Lucas's words, not his. As his best friend, Zay couldn't simply stand by and watch such disaster unravel. He reached for his phone and dialed the number, certain there was a chance Lucas would hate him for this.

"Hi, Zay."

"Hello, Sugar."


	5. CHAPTER FIVE: Drunk on Guilt

**Author's note: okay so… I have some explaining to do. I'm really sorry for taking so long to update and I'm even more sorry to tell you it won't be a one time thing. Unfortunately, I've had little to no time to write lately, reason why this update took so long and the next ones probably will as well. I can only hope these chapters are worth the wait and that you're enjoying the story enough to not give up on it, or on me, even if the updates aren't as regular! I hope you like this chapter and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it, so if you guys have any opinions, please review!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIVE: Drunk on Guilt**

"Look, you clearly won't tell me what's going on and that's your call. But you should know… _Lucas is leaving_. He's got a flight booked tomorrow morning, seven o'clock. It's your chance to make this right. He deserves better, Riley. You both do."

With that he hung up. She wasn't sure what stung more, Zay's words, the disappointment in his tone, the knowledge of just how badly she'd hurt Lucas or the confirmation he really would be gone in a matter of hours. Why was she so shaken by this? It wasn't news, she'd thought this through. God, she'd spent weeks bracing herself for the breakup and, even worse, its consequences. However, as Riley sat frozen, still holding the now mute phone to her ear, heart pounding and mouth dry, she was forced to face just how unprepared she truly was to face a life without Lucas Friar.

Riley had been surprised by Zay's call at first, but to say she had no suspicions as to the reason behind it would be a lie. He'd pulled every trick on the book to get her talking about the breakup and much to her own surprise she successfully dodged all of them. After over fifteen minutes of back and forth, with absolutely no progress made, Zay seemed to have had enough. Nevertheless, his last words still managed to steal the ground from underneath Riley's feet. She had felt like a ghost for days, floating in place as life passed her by. Now that was over. She was no longer floating. Riley was free falling, seconds away from crashing it seemed. As the first tear crept down her cheek she heard the bathroom door open, quickly wiping it away.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate hair curlers? Because I do, I hate them. Almost as much as I hate hair straighteners." Maya declared, storming into the room, curler in hand, golden locks bouncing behind her.

"Hum, yeah. They suck." Riley got up from the bed, walking to the dresser. She fumbled through her clothes, making herself look busy while purposely keeping her back to Maya.

"The bathroom is all yours. Sorry for taking so long."

"That's okay, I was just, you know, deciding what to wear." She lied, pulling out a pair of ripped jeans as if to prove it.

"If you wanna take a look at my stuff too, go for it. My outfit is already picked out." Maya grabbed the black dress spread over her bed and held it in front of her, standing before the full length mirror.

"I'm sure Josh will love it." Riley called out over her shoulder, her knowing tone making Maya giggle.

"Who said anything about Josh?"

"You did. Every five minutes since he called last night." Riley reminded her matter-of-factly, picking up a navy blue top from the drawer.

"Sorry, honey, I don't know what you're talking about. It completely slipped my mind Boing will even be there tonight." Maya couldn't help but chuckle at her own sorry excuse.

"I'm sure…" Riley rolled her eyes, sarcasm filling her tone.

"Plus, this is not about him, okay? This is about us and our first college party!"

Riley's heart picked up pace and it wasn't at all because she shared Maya's excitement for their wannabe college social life. No, instead Riley felt unsteady at the sound of Maya's steps approaching as she crossed the room.

"Second." She corrected trying not to sound nervous, positive Maya would take one look at her and know something was wrong.

"Middle school didn't really count." She protested; her voice now even closer.

"If you say so." Riley shrugged, turning around and rushing past Maya and into the bathroom.

The last thing she needed was for her friend to be stuck picking up the pieces of Riley Matthew's poor little heart for the second night in a row. Maya was always ready to make sacrifices for her, which meant it was only fair Riley returned the favor. And she had promised to go tonight, so there was no backing out now.

Riley closed the bathroom door, resting her back against it, eyes forced shut, Zay's words still echoing within her head. She hugged the clothes to her chest looking for a comfort that never came in the brief moment it took for Riley to regain the ability to move. She placed the small pile of fabric over the toilet lid and turned the shower on, hurrying to get under the water and allow it to blend with the tears she now felt free to shed. Once the first drop was out there was no stopping the rest from coming and she was too tired to even try. So she cried. Riley cried until her eyes ran out of tears and her lungs out of air.

By the time she finished showering, brushing her teeth and blowing her hair dry, Riley's face looked almost back to normal, the redness of her nose and under her eyes manageable. She applied some makeup to hide whatever signs of her breakdown were left and put on her clothes, returning to the room to find Maya sitting on the bed, putting on a pair of peep toes.

"Ready to go?" She jumped up, smoothing down her dress.

"Yeah, I just need my shoes." Riley considered her options, deciding on nude heels.

"Josh called." The blonde said as nonchalantly as she could.

"Yeah?" Riley rose an eyebrow at her, putting on a pair of earrings and a long necklace.

"He'll meet us there." Maya ran a hand through her curls, which she had somehow messed to perfection.

"Cool."

Riley focused on gathering a few essentials in her purse. Lip gloss, keys and finally her phone, which suddenly felt a lot heavier than usual. Before her mind could go back to Zay and the call, she felt Maya's hands on her shoulders, turning her around.

"Look, I know you're not exactly the most ecstatic person in the world right now." Riley mentally slapped herself. She had to improve her happy-freshman act, it clearly wasn't working "And I know there's a huge chance the only reason you're going is me, so I just wanted to say… _thank you_."

"There's nothing you need to thank me for." Riley tilted her head, smiling sweetly.

"So…" A huge grin spread across Maya's face. The blonde took a couple of steps backwards and slowly spun around "What do you think?"

Maya wore a sleeveless black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, without being too tight or short. Its V neck wasn't deep, but it sure did the trick. The black heels made her legs look a lot longer. Her hair framed her face stunningly and her makeup consisted of winged eyeliner and a bold red lip. Maya Penelope Hart had always been naturally beautiful, but tonight to say she was breathtaking would be an understatement. Riley's eyes finally found their way back to her friend's expectant blue orbs. She chuckled as the perfect answer to Maya's question popped in her brain.

"I think you're going to be my aunt." They both laughed, locking arms as they left the room.

 **\- x -**

The party was loud and crowded as Riley had expected it to be. Once Maya and she approached the frat house, the brunette stole a look at her best friend. The sparkle on Maya's eye took her mind right back to the night before, after her confession about Lucas's letter and their decorating extravaganza. Once Riley's side of the room was all flowery and sparkly and overall Riley-like, the girls ordered some food. They were halfway through their takeouts when Maya received _the_ call.

It was amusing how cool she could play it with Josh the whole thirty minutes they were on the phone, but the second he hung up Maya jumped on the bed, bouncing and giggling like a five-year-old. She hadn't shut up about this party since and seeing her best friend so happy warmed Riley's heart, so much so she was distracted from her own troubled feelings long enough to agree on coming and third-wheeling for the sake of sisterhood.

They crossed the yard and climbed the stairs, finally entering the wide hall, which was somehow even more packed with drunk and dancing bodies than the front yard. Finding Josh in this crowd wasn't just unlikely, she was pretty sure it was impossible. Still, no matter how much of a lost cause it seemed they would try, Riley knew so once she felt Maya's grip on her wrist tighten, a second before the blonde dived into the crowd pulling her along. Her eyes scanned the endless sea of strangers, a mixture of feelings washing over her.

She felt self-conscious and out of place not seeing a single familiar face around, she felt insecure about whether or not she had the social skills required to make it on this new world of past 10p.m. parties… more than anything, she felt guilty. She shouldn't be here. Lucas was at home packing, hours away from leaving; he had been heartbroken and abandoned with no reasonable explanation whatsoever… all of those were her fault. And yet here she was, being introduced to the Greek Life at NYU. Riley suddenly felt sick.

"Josh!"

She was brought back by Maya's voice. Pushing away those torturing thoughts, Riley found herself forcing a smile she failed to hold. Her eyes fell on her uncle first, a second later acknowledging two other men standing on either side of Josh.

"Hey kiddies!" He exclaimed instinctively. However, as he found himself hypnotized by a certain blonde, Josh knew the little girl he watched grow up was long gone.

"Really, Josh? Really?" Maya rolled her eyes, smiling too big to actually sound annoyed.

"Well, you know… Force of habit." He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his as Maya was well aware.

"Yeah, ok." She took a step forward, placing both hands on her hips and half smiling at Josh. Maya hadn't been sure what kind of reaction she wanted to get out of Josh tonight, but watching as red colored his cheeks Maya was sure this was better than anything she could've came up with. She gestured with her head to the two other guys "Care to introduce us?"

"Oh yeah, sure! Hum, Daniel, Christopher, these are my niece Riley and her best friend Maya." He gestured to each girl, walking to Riley's side and swinging an arm over her shoulder. Only then did Riley force herself to make eye contact with the boys, waving weakly.

"Nice meeting you, guys." Maya smiled at the duo extending her hand. Not wasting a single second, Daniel took her hand and planting an uncomfortably long kiss on its back.

"The pleasure is all mine." He blinked at her, trying to sound seductive. The keyword being _'trying'_.

"Ignore him, he's had one too many." Christopher laughed it off, tapping a little too forcefully on his friend's shoulder, before pulling him away from Maya.

"Clearly." She chuckled in response.

"Anyways… Come on, girls, I'll give you the house tour." Josh intervened quickly, falling easily into conversation with Maya as he led the way through the crowd. Riley just followed them in silence.

 **\- x -**

She was done. For over an hour Riley had stood on the corner and played her part as the supportive best friend, while Maya took down every single frat guy that dared cross her way on beer pong, including Josh… twice. When she could no longer fathom the idea of spending the rest of her evening watching America's favorite non-Olympic sport, she decided to take a walk around the house.

She wasn't sure what she'd expected at first, wandering around from one room to the next. Perhaps Riley just wanted to feel a little less cornered. Playing happy for Maya and Josh was a lot more draining then she'd expected it to be, only a couple of hours and she felt exhausted, and she wasn't even doing a great job at it.

Oddly enough, the strangers that at first made her uneasy were now the closest thing she had to comfort. Nobody knew her here, they didn't know about sleepless night and broken hearts and they certainly didn't care. These people's ignorance to all kinds of worries and suffering made Riley envy their numbness. She wanted to share with them this blissful and delusional world of oblivion. So she sat by the bar, determined to drink away her misery. But Riley was never quite the drinker. Only two shots in and her head felt more than a little fuzzy.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Her inebriated brain only barely registered the voice, words whispered in a low tone, a hot wet breath against her ear.

"It's open bar so…" Riley said awkwardly, rising her red solo cup to the stranger who circled around her.

"Even better!" He smiled charmingly, taking two steps closer and resting an arm against the counter as he bent down to her eye-level, a little too close for comfort "You and me, we can have as many as we want."

"No, thanks, I'm good." She shifted uncomfortably on the stool, looking away.

"I'm Asher, by the way, but you can call me Ash, you know, like on Pokemon." He blinked at her, extending one hand for Riley to shake.

She studied the human cliché in front of her as best as she could through the haze clouding her thoughts. He was tall and strong; his muscles showing through the shirt Riley suspected wasn't by accident a couple sizes too small. Blonde hair and sea green eyes, with his confident side smile Asher looked cut straight out of an Abercrombie & Fitch poster.

"Ok…" She took his hand politely, a breath caught in her throat as she felt him pull her out of the stool. Riley stumbled forward, colliding directly with his chest.

"I choose you." He whispered again, looking down on her, his free hand sliding to the small of her back.

" _What_?" Riley jumped back startled, colliding with the counter and letting her cup fall.

This felt so wrong for a number of different reasons. As she stared wide eyed at the complete stranger before her Riley's mind travelled back to an all too familiar Ski Lodge, three years ago. _I choose you and I really want you to choose me_. She blinked her way out of the memory; forcing herself back to a reality that didn't at all help ease her pain. Tall, strong, blonde, green eyes. Asher was a walking talking reminder of the very person she'd spent the better part of her night trying to forget.

"I said, I choose you." He repeated, amused at his own _'brilliant'_ pickup line "You know, like on Pokemon."

Was this guy for real? Before Riley could begin to formulate any coherent answer, another voice boomed behind her "Leave her alone, dude." She turned around to find Christopher, arms folded as he stared Asher down.

"Why do you always have to be such a buzz kill? I'm just talking to the girl!" Abercrombie & Fitch threw his arms up frustrated.

"I mean it, Asher." Christopher stepped forward, his tone firm as he stood between Riley and the blonde.

"Whatever… she isn't even that hot." Asher mumbled underneath his breath, turning around and walking away.

"Sorry about him. He isn't _always_ this much of a jerk."

"Hard to believe. Thanks, though, Chris." Riley said half embarrassed, half annoyed, but a hundred percent honest. She wasn't sure how she would've gotten out of that situation had he not showed up.

"Hey, you're Josh's niece, little Matthews, and I'm his best friend, it's only right I look out for you, especially when he's so… _out of it_." He took a stool nearby, gesturing to the guy behind the counter for a drink.

"Lost to Maya on beer-pong again?" Riley guessed, sitting beside him.

"Let's just say your friend needs to stop. She's killing his ego _and_ his liver!" He laughed whole-heartedly, grabbing his beer and taking one big swig.

"Yeah…" Riley looked down, fidgeting with her fingers. _At least_ _Maya and Josh are having fun._ She wanted to say she was happy they were happy… but happiness felt like such a foreign feeling to her heart lately.

"Anyway, do you want something to drink?" Her head snapped back up as she glared at him, still kind of traumatized by the Asher fiasco "Hey don't give me that look! I'm just being nice." He put both his hands up in surrender "I just assumed you'd need some alcohol to go with that terrible 'call me Ash' line..."

"Wait, how do you know 'bout that?" Riley inquired, crossing her arms judgingly, though Chris didn't look the slightest bit fazed by her accusing tone.

"He uses it on everyone. It's pathetic. Give it a couple hours and a few more drinks, he might come back and try it on me." She couldn't help but giggling at the comment "So she does know how to smile!" Christopher cheered.

"Sorry?" She fixed a strand of hair behind her ear self-consciously. Riley tried to hold her gaze to his, but it didn't take long for her to realize she couldn't. For whatever reason, she suddenly felt exposed under his stare.

"You're smiling. It's the first time tonight. Looks good on you, you should try it more often." He said softly.

It happened again. She found herself smiling again. Why was she smiling at this guy she'd just met? Why was she even at this party still? She'd kept her promise, she came and she stayed and she did her job as a best friend until her presence was no longer needed. How could she allow herself to be here and drink and laugh, while on the other side of town the man she loved was hurting… because of her. _He deserves better_. Zay's words are like a bucket of cold water.

"I have to go." Riley blurted out, jumping from the stool.

"But…" Christopher got up as well, but she held out a hand to stop him.

"If you find Maya or Josh can you please let them know I left?"

"Of course." Before he could say anything else Riley had already hurried to the door "It was a pleasure meeting you, little Matthews!" He called out loudly, his voice making her stop for some reason. She turned around; his grin was wide as he waved at her. Riley gave him a small yet genuine smile, waving back and trying to ignore the guilt filling her chest.

"Bye, Chris."


	6. CHAPTER SIX: The Sunshine is Gone

**Author's note: It's been forever, I know. I disappeared, I'm sorry! I hope you guys haven't given up on this story yet! I genuinely want to apologize for taking so long to post a new chapter, but College was taking over my whole life! Now, however, I'm on vacation, so I should have more time to write and, therefore, update more often. I can ony hope you guys are still interested on continuing on this journey with me, because I sure love writing this story. Fingers crossed that you will like this chapter, which (I'll warn you) is a bit longer than the previous ones. Please (please) let me know what you think, your feedback is very important to me!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIX: The Sunshine is Gone**

 _He finally knew how he felt._

After leaving Riley's house on that disgraceful evening, Lucas wasn't sure what to feel, let alone what to do. He knew he loved Riley, that wasn't and would never be in question. But all of these different emotions suddenly came into the picture, some of which he hadn't experienced in a really long time and had no idea how to deal with whatsoever.

He was frustrated with himself for not being good enough for Riley, as he'd always secretly feared she'd eventually realize. He was angry that she could so easily dismiss their love when he was still holding on for dear life. He was terrified of waking up the next morning and facing the world alone after being so sure he'd have her by his side for the rest of his days. He was in denial at the thought of someone else holding her hand, kissing her lips, claiming a love that was once Lucas's and his only. More than anything, he was lost. He had a plan, a future to dream about and strive for, but in none of the many versions he'd created of such future over the years did he ever imagine Riley not being a part of it.

For days he hid away, afraid to move, to take the next step in whichever direction it might be. After over a week of battling with himself, he'd reached a level of emotional exhaustion Lucas didn't think possible before. And now, as he looked around at the boxes filling his bedroom, he understood how he felt at last. _He felt numb._

His room looked awfully empty once Lucas finished packing. He didn't even try sleeping this time, the last several nights were proof it was an impossible task. Lucas figured he'd put his time to better use storing away the items and memories that once built his room and with every card box he filled he felt a little more detached from the place. He was done just as the sun started peeking through the buildings of New York, announcing the beginning of such dreadful day.

He stared blankly at the walls and the few remainings of his old life until his alarm went off. He showered and changed, ready to go to the airport. Breakfast with his parents was surprisingly silent. He had been preparing himself to deal with them today, find a way to pull a good enough act and convince both Friars he was just as excited as they were about his future. Though his mother set a beautiful breakfast table with all of his favorite foods, the three of them all seemed lost of appetite. His parents, who couldn't shut up about all things Texas since that damn letter arrived, were practically speechless. They made small talk as best as they could, but there was undeniably a tension to their smiles, a sadness to their words.

For the most part, Lucas just nodded in agreement, smiled at any jokes his mother failed to pull off and hoped they wouldn't ask him any questions. He couldn't tell you the first thing about this conversation if he tried and, to be honest, he was perfectly okay with it. He didn't have it in him to focus, he didn't want to talk, he didn't know what to say and there was nothing he could without either lying or hurting his parents. Perhaps they knew it too. Perhaps that's why they hadn't pushed him, even with his weird pseudo-hermit behavior over the last week. Or maybe they were just tip toeing around it, waiting for an opening that never came. Just as the thought crossed his mind, Jennifer's voice caught Lucas's attention.

"So… have you and Riley talked?"

His head shot up. He didn't mean to, but glared at her all the same. It took him a second to recompose himself and avert his eyes back to his untouched plate.

"You know, about college and, well, moving…" She trailed off, pushing a little further.

"Yeah. We talked." He answered shortly.

Nothing else needed to be said. Jennifer had suspected something had happened between her son and his girlfriend when Lucas asked to leave for Texas earlier. She had been almost sure after he spent days alone, locked in his room, when just a week ago he was practically attached to Riley's hip. If she needed any more confirmation, his reaction to her question was it. She'd been sure that if anyone could make long-distance work that would be Riley and Lucas… but they were both still very young, maybe it all became too much.

She decided to leave it. There was no point pushing Lucas when he was so clearly not willing to talk, still Jennifer couldn't help the tug in her chest. Since moving to New York Lucas had changed a lot, in great part thanks to Riley. He was more open and loving now, he was in control of himself. But the boy sitting across from her on the table didn't look like her Lucas; though he sounded an awful lot like the boy she saw get kicked out of school. Jennifer shook her head, ignoring the thoughts that had been haunting her for days. _This is not happening again, it can't be._

The drive to the airport was equally hard. Lucas couldn't help but wonder why his parents suddenly looked so devastated. I mean yeah, he hadn't been pumped about this and he definitely didn't do a great job at hiding it, but it didn't seem to bother them that much, or at all, until now. Was it because of how he'd been acting for the past week? Were they really that worried? Were they just sad their only son would be going away? Was it a combination of all of the above, maybe more? All of these thoughts and more crossed his head as Lucas prepared himself for the goodbyes. Over the rollercoaster he'd embarked on the last few days, he had given little to no thought to this moment.

As he looked at his parents now, he felt bad for not considering their feelings about the situation nearly as much as he should have. It was like he was constantly in and out of himself lately. There were times when he felt everything, at once, and it hurt, a lot, more than anything had ever hurt him before. Other times he felt numb, ignorant to the world and everyone else inhabiting it, he shut down. He had probably hurt his mom the other day. He was so harsh and she was just excited about his future. Scratch that, he hurt her this morning. And his father… he completely shut him out, for he couldn't stand all of the stories about the time he went to A&M. How did he let this happen?

"So I guess this is it." Lucas said as his father unloaded the last suitcase from the truck.

"Do you have everything you need? Where's your passport?" He couldn't help but smile at his mother's slightly panicked voice.

"Mom, I've got it." He said calmly, his hand on her shoulder. She sighed only partly relieved; smiling back at him, her eyes still worried as ever.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Jennifer wrapped her arms around her son, burying her face in his neck.

"And I'm going to miss you." He kissed her cheek.

"You need to promise you'll call us every day." She finally let go, whipping a couple tears away.

"Jen, we talked about this…" Richard embraced his wife, smiling down at her.

"Ok, but at least once a week." She pleaded, looking back and forth between the two men.

"You have my word." Lucas nodded, picking up his luggage.

"Have a safe flight, sweetie. Call us when you get there."

"Go make us proud, boy." Richard tapped him on the shoulder, showing the first genuine smile Lucas saw his father put on all morning.

"Yes, sir." He smiled at his parents as wide and honestly as he could before turning around and walking into the airport. Once he was out of sight, Lucas finally let himself relax, his shoulders falling along with his smile.

He felt like a ghost going through security and checking in. Once it was all done, he found himself a distant corner with a bunch of empty seats and sat there, eyes closed, his head hung back, waiting for the boarding call. _This is it_. He was leaving New York. He'd been trying to get used to the idea since receiving the letter from A &M, but he hadn't prepared himself to leave under these circumstances. The more he thought about Texas the heavier his chest felt. Had he only tried a little harder, he could have stayed; he could have been accepted to NYU. The place he spent the better part of his childhood in felt like anything but home, then again it'd been a few days since neither did New York. Perhaps his home had never really been a place. But a person.

A voice on the speaker brought him back to reality, who knows how many minutes later. He blinked trying to focus; making sure his flight was the same they had just announced. Lucas picked up his bag and started walking towards the gate, his legs heavier than usual. He had planned to go down this path holding her hand, they wouldn't let go until it was absolutely necessary. He would kiss her goodbye and tell her how much he'd miss her, but also how much he loved her. He'd assure her they would be okay. If only he closed his eyes, all those moments he had pictured tirelessly would flash before him, like heartfelt memories… something they would never be now.

He looked around the airport and at all of the strange faces passing him by. She wasn't here; he didn't have to look to know so. Still, Lucas waited. He stood by the gate like a statue, unable to cross it for a reason he wouldn't dare acknowledge. Several minutes pass before someone touches his arm gently. He turns around startled, hopeful even if he won't admit it, but the brunette smiling pleasantly at him wasn't the one he had been looking for.

"Lucas Friar?"

"Yes?" His eyes searched her blue ones, yearning for the dark chocolate orbs he had hoped to find.

"I'm sorry, but you need to board. Everyone else is already on their seats."

"Hum… sure, I…" He looked around yet again, his heartbeat picking up. Maybe she would still come, maybe he had missed her in the crowd.

"Do you need anything? Are you waiting for someone, sir?" Her voice even gentler now, compassionate, perhaps she noticed the desperation in his eyes.

"I…" His gaze returned to the woman and back to the strangers circling the hall. He had scanned each and every face, none was hers. He could feel the tears sting his eyes "No. There's no one coming for me."

Lucas walked to his seat like a zombie, his last seed of hope left behind the gate. He rested his head against the window, watching New York get smaller and smaller, until his tired eyes fell shut, burning from sleepless nights on end and countless tears blinked back. He took a deep breath, trying to control the wave of emotions he was trying so hard not to drown in. But what was the point? There was no one here to see his pain, to pity or judge him for it. He was alone, in all aspects of the word. He tried to breath deep again, only this time failing to contain his tears.

He had feared this. He'd feared letting himself go and have all the pieces he fought so hard to keep together fall apart, leaving him broken beyond repair. He didn't have a breakdown; he didn't sob or scream, he didn't have the energy. So Lucas just sat there, silent, exhausted and devastated, eyes closed and tears finally free to emerge, as he allowed himself to cry for the first time in years.

 **\- x -**

"Lukey!" Pappy Joe exclaimed ever so excitedly at the sight of his grandson "It's so good to see you! Welcome back, boy!" He gave him a big hug, unable to contain his joy.

"It's good to be here, sir." Lucas lied, putting back on his fake smile.

"Come on, let's get your stuff. I'm so glad you came a week earlier. You get to spend some time at the ranch, see the house. I redecorated; don't know if your momma told ya."

"She mentioned it." He mumbled; his head low.

"I think you'll love it."

"You do know I have to be on College Station soon though, right? I have to find my dorm and get settled in..." Lucas didn't mean to snap, but one look into his grandfather's eyes and he regretted his harsh response.

For the first time since landing, Lucas saw something other than happiness flash through Pappy Joe's eyes. He hated himself for repeatedly hurting the people whose only fault was loving him too much. First his parents, now his granddad. They were only proud, he knew it deep down, still their cheerfulness, given Lucas's current predicament, was more than unnerving; it actually hurt. But to be fair, everything did lately, so they weren't to blame. He was. None of this would be happening if he had been good enough for NYU.

"Oh, of course." Joe disguised his shock over Lucas's reaction with an awkward smile "I'll drive you there on Friday; you'll have the whole weekend before classes begin. Come on, it can't hurt to spend some time with your old man at the ranch, right?"

"No." Lucas avoided his stare, ashamed "Of course not."

They collected Lucas's luggage and loaded it on Pappy Joe's truck, hitting the road back to the Friar family ranch, where Lucas practically grew up in. He used to love coming back to Texas on special holidays and vacations, but now that he was here for good he almost resented the place. After some long minutes of silence, his grandfather's voice filled the air.

"So, how was graduation? I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I was about ready to go, but Sophia was real bad, I couldn't leave her alone and the vet took forever to arrive… Lost my flight."

"What's wrong with her?" The worry was clear on Lucas's voice.

"Age. She's getting old, Luke; I'm not sure how much longer she has… But hey, that's just life, right?"

"I guess…" Lucas whispered, still shaken by the news.

"You didn't answer my question, how was graduation?"

"It was… It was alright. Mom cried like a baby." He answered shortly, hoping Pappy Joe would drop the topic, even though the memories of graduation night were already rushing back to him, as hard as he tried to push them away.

"I bet she did." Pappy Joe couldn't help but laugh at the mental image "Your mother has always been all heart, much like you I'd say, Lukey. Talking about the heart, how about our girl, Riley? How's sunshine doing?"

Lucas stared at Pappy Joe completely frozen, examining the huge grin in his face as he mentioned her, the matching sparkle in his eyes. He loved Riley. Of course he did, who wouldn't? He tried to find words, averting his gaze outside in the look for something, anything that could help him explain to his grandfather what Lucas himself hadn't yet managed to wrap his head around. He looked up, the sky over them was covered in dark grey clouds. _How fitting. Sunshine is gone._

 **\- x -**

 _"We're so getting in trouble for this." Riley whispered, wrapping her arm around Lucas's torso and resting her head on his chest._

 _They had been lying in her bed for a few hours now. After graduation and the party the Matthews hosted on their apartment rooftop, Lucas had decided tonight's celebration wouldn't be complete without some alone time with his girlfriend. It wasn't that he didn't love the company of their friends and families, because he did. But tonight was important, tonight high school was over and they would be stepping into the unknown, with college, and all the changes it'd bring, just around the corner. So he needed this, he needed to see and talk to her and just her, he needed to hold Riley until they both fell asleep for he didn't know how many more opportunities they'd have before everything changed._

 _"Why? We're not even doing anything." He giggled, holding her tighter._

 _"Are you kidding? My dad's still traumatized from the last time he caught you in my room. He sees you in here tonight and I can guarantee one of you is not making it out alive." She giggled, muffing the sound against his skin, his cologne flooding her senses._

 _"Now if it isn't the least dramatic person to ever roam the face of Earth." Lucas poked at her side, failing to stiff a chuckle._

 _"Go ahead, laugh. He has a heart attack, I'm blaming it on you." Riley said on her best serious tone._

 _"You'd think he'd have gotten used by now, I mean, we've been dating for ages."_

 _"3 years." She corrected, her voice a little more solemn than usual._

 _"Seems a lot longer." He whispered; a hint of nostalgia to his tone._

 _"Sure does." She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers and smiling as Lucas kissed the top of her head, his free hand rubbing her arm._

 _"I'll give it up to him, though, he handled it a lot better than I'd have, you know, had I walked in on my daughter and her boyfriend." He laughed, playing with Riley's fingers._

 _"What are you talking about? He freaked! And for no reason at all, we weren't really doing anything. We were just kissing."_

 _"Making out." Lucas stated matter-of-factly, unable to hide his smirk._

 _"Ok, but…"_

 _"In your bed." He pointed out yet again._

 _"Still…"_

 _"On horizontal."_

 _"Well, when you say it like that." She laughed embarrassed, looking away so he wouldn't see her reddening cheeks._

 _He laughed along, stunned by how adorable his girlfriend was. Lucas locked both his arms around Riley's petite waist, rolling her over so she was lying on top of him "I'm going to miss this."_

 _"I know. Me too." She whispered, kissing him softly._

 _He hated this. He hated how everything lately was about what they'd miss, not what they'd have. The seeming inevitability of it all had him feeling powerless and he was so tired of it, of sitting and waiting and dreading the moment life would send them on separate ways._

 _"I think I'm going to call NYU."_

 _"What? Why?" Riley left his embrace startled, jumping to a sitting position. Though confused by her reaction, Lucas continued._

 _"I don't know… It's just, I haven't heard anything back from them, good or bad. Not knowing is killing me." He reached for her again, bringing Riley back to his arms._

 _"Can we not talk about this right now?" Her pleading voice made his heart sink._

 _"Okay."_

 _"Lucas? I love you. You know that, right?" Riley didn't just sound unsure, she almost sounded scared._

 _"Of course. And I love you." He wasn't even sure she'd heard him as Riley kept rushing through her words._

 _"You know I'd do anything for you, like, for you to be happy. Whatever it took. You know that, don't you?" Her fingers nervously played with the hem of his shirt._

 _"Riles, am I missing something here?" He looked down at her, but Riley's eyes wouldn't meet his stare. It took some anguishing seconds for her to answer._

 _"No. I'm just… forget it, I'm being silly. Sorry, I've been so emotional these last few weeks, with graduation and all, it's pathetic." She forced a chuckle._

 _"It's not pathetic. It's beautiful. It's you. And I love it."_

 _She finally looked at him, a sad smile on her face, her hand on his cheek, her voice ever so sincere "I love you."_

 _"You've said that." Lucas smiled, resting his forehead on hers._

 _"Don't ever forget it."_

 _"I won't."_

 _He closed his eyes, her lips crashed on his._

 **\- x -**

"Luke? Is there something you want to tell me?"

He didn't know for how long he was out. More often than not he'd find himself getting sucked into these painfully happy memories. Like flashbacks of the life he left behind, or more accurately, the life he had taken away. He didn't know how to explain or sugarcoat it, remembering hurt enough, talking about it could only make it worse. So he turned back to his grandfather, as the sorrowful words cut their way up to his lips.

"Riley and I broke up. So if we could not talk about her… I'd appreciate it."


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN: Time Ain't No Healer

**Author's note: Warning – really long chapter ahead! Haha Also, there's a time jump here, but don't worry all important events are brought back on this story through flashbacks, as I suppose you guys have noticed, and this chapter is no exception. I know, I know there has been a lot of angst and, I'm not gonna lie, there's more on the way, but I know exactly where I'm going with this story, trust me, and I hope you guys will be as happy with it as I am. Things will start unraveling soon and I can't wait for you to read it! Thank you so much for the reviews, I love reading your thoughts, it is one of the best parts about writing this fanfic. So please, please let me know what you think, your opinions are everything! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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 **CHAPTER SEVEN: Time Ain't No Healer**

 _I can't breathe._

That was the one thought in Riley's head as her eyes shot open. For a couple terrifying seconds she feared she was drowning. However, as her blurred vision found back some focus Riley recognized the familiar fairy lights dangling over her bed. She sat up startled, trying to even her breathing only to find Maya staring at her, an empty bucket in her hands.

"What the hell?" She shouted, looking down at her soaked clothes and mattress.

"Morning, Sunshine." Her best friend wore a delighted evil smirk, which along with the sarcasm dripping from her voice only made Riley angrier "You might wanna get up and change, Josh will be here in twenty and I don't think your parents will appreciate the new look."

Suddenly realization hit her. _Family brunch_. Riley jumped up and ran to the bathroom, she could be mad at Maya later. Right now, number one priority was to make herself look minimally presentable for her parents and her smudged mascara clearly wasn't helping her case. So she dived into the shower and removed her makeup as best and fast as she could, rushing back to the room to try and find something to wear. Lucky for Riley, Maya had an outfit picked out for her already.

"What time did you arrive last night?" Her voice was serious as she handed the brunette a pair of jeans and a blouse.

"Are you for real?" She snatched the clothes from Maya's grip.

"Riles..."

"Don't know, Mom." She snapped, turning away from the blonde.

"Okay, then _how_ did you get home?" As silence filled the space between them, Maya grew even more frustrated " _Riley_! I'm serious! Talk to me!"

"I don't know, ok?" She replied irritated, putting on the blouse "I was with Chris, he must have dropped me off, I just… can we not do this right now?"

Riley could tell Maya was worried and she knew her friend had the right to be, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to apologize. Instead, she walked past her and back to the bathroom, she had a hair crisis to avert and less than ten minutes to do it.

"You can't even remember how you… ok, this needs to stop." She stood by the doorframe, her eyes locked on Riley's through the mirror.

"Maya…"

"I'm serious! This isn't like you!" Maya's crossed arms and knitted brows matched her warning tone as she took two steps closer to her friend.

" _Stop!_ Just stop okay?" Riley yelled, slamming the hairbrush against the counter and turning around to face the blonde "So I got drunk, big deal! I got home safe, everything is fine, just drop it! My head hurts like hell, I feel like throwing up my guts and I'm about to put on a happy face for my parents when really all I want to do is sleep this freaking hangover off, so I really don't need you to judge me right now!"

"I'm not judging, Riley, I'm worrying myself sick over you! This is the third time you do this, you go out, you don't tell anyone where you're headed and then spend the night drinking yourself senseless! I understood it the first time, when Lucas… well, when _that_ happened. But now…" Finally, Maya's expression seemed to soften as she drifted off, studying the way Riley's lips turned into a thin line at the mere mention of _his_ name.

"You're freaking out over nothing." Riley's voice suddenly lacked any kind of emotion. She turned back to the mirror, pulling her hair up in a ponytail "And I do tell people where I'm going. I just said I was with Chris last night."

"Of course you were." Maya mumbles, rolling her eyes.

"Look, just because you're jealous I'm friends with him doesn't mean…"

"That's not what this is about and you know it." Maya cut her sharply "It's been two years, Riley. I've done my best to be there for you, to be a supportive friend, but I can't help if you won't let me. You're shutting me out, time and again! I feel like I don't even know you anymore! And I don't know what you think you're doing or what you're looking for in order to move on, but I sure as hell know you won't find it on the bottom of a red solo cup."

Riley was speechless as she stared at her best friend through the mirror. Maya's eyes were tired and distant, worse, they were hurt. _I'm worrying myself sick over you_. It was true, she could hear it in her voice, see it painted all over her face. For the first time since waking up Riley felt truly guilty.

She was never quite the drinker. She would have a drink or two whenever she went to a party with Maya, Josh or Chris and sometimes a glass of wine with her parents on special occasions. Riley Matthews was a fixer at her core and she wasn't one to turn to vodka for comfort or tequila for advice, no, she _worked_ through problems; she _solved_ them. Well everyone's problems but her own. Those she mostly ignored, as if pretending they didn't exist would eventually have them vanished. However, every September, on this one particular night she failed to convince herself of such act. On such dreadful autumn evening, Riley found alcohol to be the only thing that came anywhere near close easing her pain. So she drank. One night a year she allowed herself to get drunk enough to forget, even if for just a few hours, the horrible secret she'd been carrying around in her heart for the last two years and its painful consequences.

Oddly enough, the most mortifying night of the whole year for Riley was probably one of the happiest to her best friend. God, she still recalled waking up the morning he left…

 **\- x -**

 _Riley felt like crap. As she rolled out of bed and crawled to the bathroom, the brunette was a hundred percent sure she had never felt quite this miserable in her entire life. She sat on the cold tiles for what felt like eternity, embraced to the toilet, wondering through her hazy state of mind how could she have hit rock bottom so fast and suddenly. When all of her stomach contents had been flushed away, she forced herself to get up and shower._

 _Riley spent the day alone, locked in the room, fighting a losing battle against all thoughts Lucas, the pain in her chest growing stronger by the second the more sober she felt. As Riley replayed the previous night, over and over again, she knew there were some missing pieces to the puzzle, but the main image remained painfully clear in her head. She left the party with every intention of meeting Lucas. Even if just to see him one last time before he left. Maybe he wasn't as mad anymore, maybe they could still be friends, maybe Lucas had thought things through and understood A &M was the best thing for him. _

_Soon enough, she found her feet planted on the sidewalk before his building as Riley looked up to Lucas's room. It was nearly 3am and the lights were still on, the boxes pilling on the other side of the glass, blocking most of his window. A tear escaped her eyes as the reality of it all settled in… she couldn't do it. She couldn't put both of them through that suffering for nothing; she couldn't talk to him and risk ruining everything. Even worse, she couldn't risk hurting Lucas any further. So she thought to herself one last quiet farewell and turned around._

 _Still inebriated from a mix of alcohol and emotion, Riley wasn't too sure where she was headed or what she was doing until she was well into her fourth shot of tequila on a random club downtown and by then it was too late. From the remaining of that night she vaguely recalled getting a cab, falling on her bed and crying herself to sleep._

 _Her next memory is waking up to the sunrays on her face the next morning, her heartbeat immediately quickening its pace as she reached for her phone to check the time. 8:13 am. He was gone. She felt a salty tear roll down her cheek to her lips, soon followed by many more, her whole body aching as she sobbed against the pillow. She couldn't get up, she couldn't eat, she could barely breathe through the pain in her chest. Riley wanted nothing more than for that terrible day to end and yet time went by impossibly slowly. She was left alone with her thoughts and memories until sunset, when Maya came through the door with a beaming smile._

 _"Man, I love college!" She announced walking in, still in her dress from last night, only with an additional plaid shirt over it "You're never gonna believe it, but the craziest thing happened last night!"_

 _"Yeah?" Riley whispered, wiping her tears away, unable to put on a smile. She sat down on the bed, thankful that Maya seemed too blinded with bliss and too busy getting rid of her outfit and makeup to notice her poor mood._

 _"Ok, so after I beat him on beer pong for, I don't know, the billionth time, Josh said he had a special place to show me. So he took me to the roof and for the first time the whole night there wasn't anyone around. We sat there and talked for hours and it wasn't just that, Riles, he was looking at me unlike anyone ever did before. It was like we were seeing each other, really seeing each other, for the first time. Then the sun started to come up and he was silent all of a sudden, and I mean absolutely and completely mute, just staring blankly ahead for minutes straight, so I asked him what was wrong and he said" Maya brought her hands to her face and took a deep breath as if to compose herself, her never wavering grin growing even bigger with the memory "He said he was trying to gather up the courage to do something he had waited for what felt like a lifetime to do."_

 _"Oh my God." Riley's eyes widened "So you…?"_

 _"We kissed!" She giggled like a kid, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe it herself "And it was everything I could have dreamed of and more! You know, the two of us all alone, the sun rising behind us and, God, I'm not exactly a hopeless romantic, but it was perfect, Riley. It was like everything suddenly made sense, all the years and the waiting fell into perspective, like they meant something, they were worth it. And then…"_

 _"And then?" She willed Maya to continue._

 _"He asked me if I remembered the promise we made on the Ski Lodge. And of course I said yes. So he said and I quote" She closed her eyes as if to focus on reciting every word correctly "We've waited forever for our someday to come, we've both been playing the long game on our own for far too long and I don't want to waste another second so Maya Penelope Hart, if you still want me to, I would love to call you my girlfriend."_

 _"Maya, that's… that's beautiful! I'm so happy for you!" She truly was. Riley finally managed to smile, genuinely happy for her best friend._

 _Seeing her like this… it brought a warmth to Riley's heart, one she now felt like a stranger to. But it wasn't simply that, Maya was different. She had been since being accepted to NYU. Maya had always had a spark, one many people missed and just as many others misjudged. But Riley had always seen something more within her, she had always believed in her, even more so than her best friend did herself. Now, as she looked at Maya, she no longer saw that weak yet promising spark, she saw more, she saw a glow unlike any other shinning behind her blue eyes. She had seen glimpses of it for a while, but it was like everything had finally fallen into place in her life and it was beautiful to witness. She had a family, she had a future, she had love. Maya, the fierce Amazon warrior whose biggest battle had always been against herself had not only found hope, she had seemingly found peace._

 _"It's aunt Maya from now on." The blonde said serious for a moment, before bursting into laughter and launching herself onto Riley, hugging her as tight as she could "Oh and I'm sorry I was out all day, I just really wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend. That's so weird, I get to call him boyfriend now and…" As she let go of the hug, Maya studied her best friend's features up close for the first time since walking in. A second later it downed on her. Something had happened "Riles?" Maya's voice was careful, both her hands cradling Riley's cheeks as her eyes examined every inch of the brunette's face. She had been crying "Riley, what's wrong?"_

 _There was no point denying it. She didn't have the energy to pretend. But more than that, Riley had to say it. She had to admit it out loud. She took a shaky breath, her eyes locked on Maya's as the words she had chased out of her brain the whole day left her lips._

 _"It's, hum, it's Lucas. He… he took a plane this morning. He's gone."_

 **\- x -**

"I just wish you would talk to me." Maya whispered, snapping Riley back to reality. The blonde simply averted her eyes, turning around and closing the bathroom door behind her.

"There's nothing to talk about." Riley whispered to herself sadly, unable to look in the mirror.

Of course there were things to talk about. The problem was Riley had no idea how to say them. Even thinking about him hurt, so if anything she wanted to forget. Still, knowing it was impossible, she was just choosing to try and ignore it. Most days she managed to get by, put on a good enough act to even fool herself that she was moving on, getting over, but sometimes… I was just too much.

She knew she was shutting Maya out and part of her hated it. However this other part knew she needed this to survive life without Lucas. Hell, she did it to everybody, Josh, Farkle, Zay, Izzy and virtually anyone else that played a role in her relationship with Lucas. Even her bond with her parents had suffered in the process. She knew by closing herself up from them she was jeopardizing some of the most important relationships in her life, but Riley just didn't see another way. She had tried for almost a year to go about her life as usual, to remain perfect smiley Riley all happy and unstained, but she was no longer that girl. She wasn't sure she even knew her anymore.

Being with her friends suddenly felt like work. They were ever lasting reminders of Lucas and being around them... she was losing it. Hanging out with them and pretending it wasn't killing her, the memories of him each of them brought, meant Riley had to constantly play her character in order not to mess with their group dynamic and eventually she was too exhausted to keep the act going, which lead to Riley pulling herself out of the equation altogether.

She barely talked to Izzy or Farkle anymore, but that she could blame that on the distance, given they were always busy being Harvard's most brilliant couple. She hadn't talked to Zay in months, even though he was still in New York, though their relationship had been strained from the moment Lucas hopped on that plane to Texas and things had only deteriorated since. She saw Josh often but he was usually with Maya and third wheeling was a good way to avoid any focus on herself and her own issues, while the two love birds were too swept up in their own little world. But Maya… Maya was right there. All the time.

That was the hardest part. Lie to her best friend that she was okay or push her away when she tried to bring him up. She had long given up on making peace with her own choices, so Riley decided it was better to just try and leave the past where it should be, behind her. A task hard enough on itself and nearly impossible when your best friend is constantly rubbing it on your face. Riley knew, deep down, Maya had a point. But it hurt. And Maya's intentions, though the best in the world, were still no painkiller. Two years later and it still hurt just as much as it did then, if not worse. So yes, Riley had given up trying to fight or explain; two things Maya constantly pushed her to do. So she shut her out. Repeatedly.

But of course, Maya being Maya, she needed someone to blame, someone who wasn't Riley. So she did. She blamed Chris. She blamed the one person who Riley hadn't shut out of her life, the one she now seemed to confide in, the only one who made her look slightly more like her real best friend, not the shell of a human being hiding behind a happy mask she now shared her room with. And God, did Maya resent him for it.

"Josh's waiting outside in the car." Maya called out from the room, her voice breaking the Riley's trance yet again "We better get going."

 **\- x -**

She was doing a great job. Hiding the hangover from her parents was way easier than she thought it would be. What was really hard, however, was sitting for hours seventh wheeling her parents, Maya, Josh, Auggie and his girlfriend Ava, or wife, or whatever they were by now. Still, Riley smiled and talked when necessary, keeping just the right amount of distance from the conversation, as she had been doing for years now.

So far so good, all major awkwardness or arguments had been successfully dodged, plus she had already texted Chris instructing him to come pick her up in ten minutes tops. She knew Maya and Josh would probably want to celebrate their two year anniversary after this and she didn't want to butt in. Or maybe it was the fact today was kind of an anniversary to Riley as well, only not such a great one.

She didn't want to risk being left alone with her parents either, for she would be much more vulnerable to their 'harmless curiosity' about her life. She just had to make it through a few more minutes, if she laid low and didn't call too much attention, maybe this time she could avoid…

"So what about you, honey, any news you want to share with us?"

Of course. How naïve of her to believe for a second she would get through today without an interrogation. To anyone else this was simple small talk, anything but a loaded question. But it wasn't, it was her mother's opening to what would soon become a series of inquisitive assumptions on Riley's personal life, and love life if you will, or actually the lack of thereof.

"Well, Chris and I are working on a new project together." She answered quickly, before Topanga could elaborate on the topic. Yes, she would talk about Chris, her mother liked Chris, Chris was a good buffer.

"Really? What is it?" Her mother smiled interested, resting her chin on her hands, as Maya shifted uncomfortably by Riley's side.

"Well, you know the animal shelter he volunteers downtown? They really need some extra money to keep it going so I offered to help. I'm taking some pictures, we'll make some flyers and hopefully get people's attention. We are planning on doing a fundraiser near Thanksgiving."

"That's great! How is it coming along?" Her father chimed in, with a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Everybody else had stopped eating at least half an hour ago, but not him, oh no, not Cory Matthews. He wouldn't rest until he saw the mash gone.

"Good, it's coming along great, we're still looking into a place to hold the event, but…"

"Why don't you take the bakery?" Auggie suggested, taking a sip of his drink.

"Hum, I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. Could I?" Riley looks back at her mother, who's already nodding at her.

"Of course, dear! I love the idea and I'd be more than happy to help! I'm not opening on Thanksgiving's Eve anyway, I thought I'd give everyone a bigger break to be with their families. The space is all yours!"

"Wow, thanks, Mom! I'll talk to him about it first, but I don't see why we wouldn't take it." Riley cheered. This brunch was going way better than anticipated.

"Oh trust me, he will be over the moon with the news. I may not live with him anymore, but I'm still best friends with the guy and Chris can't shut up about that shelter to save his life. Though to be fair, lately he won't shut up about you either." Josh chuckled, raising a brow at her. Riley could feel her mother smirking from across the table, so she braced herself for it and, sure enough, a second later Topanga was back at it.

"Since we're on the topic, why is it you never bring Chris over?"

"Mom…"

"I'm just saying, he's quite literally the only person from college you ever talk about and we rarely ever see him!" There it was, the passive aggressive tone, the hidden meanings between the lines. It was like déjà-vu, why did she have to do this every time?

"I know what you're thinking, Mom. Don't go there. We're just friends."

"I'm just… I'm worried about you, baby." She admitted, a sorrowful look on her eyes.

"I know. You've made that pretty clear. But I'm fine, really." As if on cue, her phone buzzed. Riley looked down at the message, a breath of relief escaping her "It's Chris. He's downstairs, so… hum, I guess I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the brunch, it was delicious." Riley jumped from her seat, grabbing her purse by the couch and before anyone could say anything she was already at the door. She was about to leave when her gaze hovered over the calendar, reminding her yet again of what day it was. She turned around, a bittersweet smile on her face "Oh and Maya, Josh… happy anniversary."

A moment later she was outside. She flew through the doors, welcoming the cool autumn air, feeling like she could really breathe for the first time since she got out of bed. Down the steps of her parent's building Chris was waiting, resting against his car with his hands buried in his jeans, his usual smirk shinning its way to her. She didn't know how and she didn't know when, but at some point during the past two years the guy standing before her became the closest thing she had to comfort. She skipped down the steps and over to him, giving the tall man a hug he didn't hesitate on reciprocating.

"Wow, ok, someone's happy to see me!"

"You're a lifesaver. You know that, right?"

"I guess I'll take your word for it. So, what are our plans today? Red Planet Diaries reruns? Cuddle Bunnies and chill?" He mocked, earning himself an eye roll from Riley.

"Ugh, why do I ever tell you anything?" She faked frustration, chuckling along with him.

"Because we're friends and you trust me. Plus, I told you about my embarrassing kiddy ballet classes. I'd say we're even." She laughed even harder this time, that Riley Matthews genuine laugh that could quite literally end wars. Man, he loved it "Seriously though, what do you want to do?"

"Can we just drive? Go away somewhere and, I don't know, talk. I… I need to not be here today." She replied, more serious this time. He simply smiled, opening the car door for her.

"Whatever you want, little Matthews."


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT: Words of Wisdom

**Author's note: just a quick thanks for your continued support, guys! So thank you everyone who has followed, favorited and/or reviewed this story! I really hope you like this chapter, please let me know!**

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 **CHAPTER EIGHT: Words of Wisdom**

It was beautiful. The way the sunrays slipped through the cracks on the roof setting an angelic glow over all the most ordinary things piling around the barn. Lucas sat in silence on a heap of hay that could have easily been mistaken for gold as it shimmered under the sunlight, observing the world awaken around him. He could hear the horses' steady breaths and the roosters in the distance announcing a new dawn. He was engulfed in the epitome of peace and yet his heart was filled with anything but. _Two years today_ , he thought to himself, _two years away from her_.

He had hoped it would get easier over time, he'd hoped he might move on. Lucas had been trying to live life as best as he could and, even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone but himself… he was still trying to live a life that would make her proud. He may have not been good enough for Riley then, but it didn't mean Lucas would give up trying, it didn't mean he didn't want to be worthy of her still, even if she'd never know, he owned it to himself and to her to become the best man he could possibly be.

Lucas rubbed his eyes, burning from the little sleep he got that night. He stretched and forced himself up to his feet, walking over to the horse. Not even twelve hours ago, Pappy Joe had called saying Sophia had gotten worse. Lucas didn't need him to finish, a moment later he was speeding from College Station back to Austin, in the pickup truck his grandfather had surprised him with as a welcome gift, when he moved back to Texas.

He was thankful his classes hadn't started yet, though deep down Lucas knew he would have gone regardless. He had to be there. It was already dark when he arrived at the ranch, going straight to the barn where a worried Joe waited for him. Of course Sophia meant a lot to Lucas, that horse had played an important part on one of the biggest decisions of his life. However, if he were completely honest, he had mostly come for his grandpa, not for her.

Joe wasn't the most sentimental of all people, but when it came to his loved ones, human or not, his devotion knew no limits, reason why Lucas had to assure him about a million times that he would watch Sophia all through the night, in order to convince his grandfather to go back inside and get some sleep. The old man hadn't been feeling so well lately, he wasn't the same strong Joe that welcomed Lucas back to his hometown two years ago. He had lost a lot of weight, which he insisted was something to pride himself for, but Lucas couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, despite Pappy Joe's easiness about it all. And it wasn't just that, Joe got tired a lot easier and faster nowadays and his once insatiable appetite was gone. Still the man was stubborn as a mule; he insisted he was fine, ignoring his grandson's persistence that he saw a doctor.

The blonde did his best to shake his worries away as he entered Sofia's stable. She wasn't getting any better, though it was already a small miracle she was still standing. She'd been doing poorly long before Lucas moved to the lone star state and things had only gotten worse since. She was old and tired, but a true fighter. Nevertheless, he doubted she would make it through another night. Lucas hugged her neck and patted her back, just like he'd done over a decade ago when he helped deliver her baby on this same barn, suddenly feeling like that terrified little boy again, except this time it wasn't the birth or a life that scared him, but the death of one.

"How's our girl doing?" Joe limped into the barn, smiling at his grandson, though it didn't quite reach his worry filled eyes.

"Not so good." Lucas looked from Joe to Sophia and back, his heart breaking for both of them "Pappy Joe, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't think she will make it through tonight." Joe nodded, averting his eyes to the ground as he chewed on his bottom lip "I'm really sorry."

"I know you are, boy. I am too." He took a deep breath, his expression softening ever so slightly "Do you have to be back on Campus yet? I was planning on making us some breakfast. What do you say? Care to spend some time with your old man?"

"I'd love to." He smiled sadly, watching as his grandfather turned around, walking with difficulty back to the house.

Lucas wasn't lying. Over the last two years he'd grown much closer to Pappy Joe. They had always had a good relationship, but their bond had strengthened considerably since Lucas's move. The first six months were hell, he'd admit to that. Back then, Lucas resented all things Texas. During those dark months, he had barely seen his grandfather at all, always coming up with excuses not to visit, he either had to study or he had a test or a project, whatever it was, there was always some matter he couldn't possibly postpone keeping him busy, which was funny considering he damn near failed his first semester.

He couldn't find it in him to focus. He hated college, his classes, his dorm room and even his roommate, with whom he wouldn't exchange anymore words than strictly necessary. He'd also drink. A lot. Lucas was spiraling, a small part of him knew so, but for the most part he didn't care. Until one night, when he picked a fight with a guy in a bar, over something so stupid he couldn't even remember now. Lucas went back to his dorm late that night, bleeding, bruised and more than a little drunk, trying to reach the bathroom as silently as he could, but failing not to wake up his roomie, Nate, who much to Lucas's surprise didn't hesitate to help, even though he had no reason to show him any kind of mercy.

He had treated the guy like crap for months and still the redhead didn't give it a second thought before leaving their room only to return a few minutes later with an ice bag and a first aid kit. Lucas laid in bed that night unable to fall asleep. He had done his best to keep his mind off of her since arriving in Texas, but for the first time since leaving New York Lucas allowed himself to openly think about Riley Matthews. It might have been Nate's kindness, the fact he cared for Lucas when no one else did, when he didn't even deserve it… it reminded him of Riley. Hell, he hadn't gotten into a fight ever since she'd walked into his life, he'd thanked her over and over again for helping him accept and control that side of himself, for believing in him, for being his calming influence. _Now look at me_ , he thought bitterly. Lucas suddenly felt disgusted.

He woke up the next morning determined to turn his life around. He would make her proud. He apologized to Nate for his behavior over the previous months and thanked him yet again for being there for him when no one else was. Lucas dived into work, tearing through his books and whenever his will wavered he'd just look himself in the mirror, staring at the scar above his right eyebrow, a permanent reminder of that fight and the man he refused to become. It wasn't easy, but he managed to pass his practically unsalvageable semester.

Even though his college life finally started to ride on the right tracks, Lucas knew he still had a lot of making up to do family wise. Lucky for him, his grandfather and parents were ready and waiting with open arms for their prodigal son to return. It took a while for things to be like they were before, Lucas had been lost and angry for a long time, said and did things he regretted, things that hurt his loved ones, but eventually they found their way past those wounds.

With time, he became good friends with Nate too and, because of his constant support, Lucas decided to try out for the football team on the beginning of his second year. Now, a year later, he was the best student on his class and the star quarterback. He should be happy, he kept telling himself that. To anyone on the outside looking in, Lucas Friar had it all. But he didn't. He had managed to put himself back together pretty well, and for that he was grateful, but there was a part of him missing, a huge part, one he could never replace.

"Luke! Are you coming or what?" He heard Pappy Joe yelling from the porch, snapping him back to reality.

"Coming!" He yelled back, leaving Sophia's stable and jogging back to the house.

He was welcomed to the kitchen with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and bacon. Lucas sat on one of the stools behind the counter, observing as his grandfather worked through the cabinets, the ever present limp in his right leg making it harder for him to move around.

"Need some help? I make some mean pancakes." He chuckled, trying to sound more relaxed than he felt.

"Oh I know you do, I taught you how for Christ's sake! It's your grandma's recipe though, so I won't take all the credit." Pappy Joe focused back on the stove "And I don't feel like pancakes. Today is more of a scrambled eggs day."

"If you say so… hey, grandpa" Lucas bit the inside of his cheek as he thought through his next words carefully "How's your leg doing?"

"Great! Just like the rest of me." He laughed "Why do you ask?"

"Hum, nothing, it's just, it looks like your limping is getting worse."

"Yeah, well, you know, just regular old man's issues. You'll understand someday." Joe waved his hand around dismissively, quickly changing the subject "So I hear you're going back to the city for the holidays this year." When his grandson shot him a curious look, Joe chuckled "Jen told me."

"Of course she did." Lucas laughed along. His mother just couldn't keep anything to herself "But yeah, I am. We talked a couple days ago and decided it was about time I go back, hum, _home_." Even as he said it, Lucas knew the word sounded weird coming from his mouth. New York didn't feel like home, though for some reason Texas still didn't either.

"You mean _they_ decided?" Lucas's words failed him, his mouth agape as he stared at Joe "Oh come on, Luke. You've been avoiding New York like the plague since you moved here and you haven't stepped foot in the city again. Don't get me wrong, I love having you and your family over for the holidays, but we both know your mother is a sucker for Christmas in New York and your dad finds that stupid New Year ball drop incredibly amusing for some reason. And I know you. You're doing this for them."

"Well… yeah." He muttered, playing nervously with his fingers.

"Look, I know you didn't leave New York under the best circumstances, but whatever happened then is now two years behind you. You're better now, stronger, more mature. I don't know what you're afraid of, but it really doesn't matter. You know what we say about fears. You either ride them…"

"Or they ride you." He nodded, forcing a weak smile "Thanks, Pappy Joe."

"I'm always here for you, boy." He fixed Lucas his breakfast, placing the plate on the counter before him with a smile "I always have been."

"I know."

The rest of their morning was filled with much easier conversations than that one. Lucas helped Joe with the ranch's chores, mostly feeding the animals and cleaning after them. Soon it was noon and the Friars returned to the kitchen to cook lunch together. They watched some TV and finally gave in to their tradition, finding their way to the porch's rocking chairs.

The afternoon flew by while Lucas filled Joe in on how he was doing on the team. He loved playing football and it kept him busy during those few free hours he had between classes. His social life suffered from it for sure, but that was one of the perks if you asked Lucas. His packed schedule served as the perfect excuse to dodge his way out of most social events, so he only ever went to the parties he absolutely had to, he was the quarterback after all, he was required to make some appearances with the team.

Nate would constantly give him hell for it; he was always saying Lucas was very likely the quarterback to get laid the least in all history. He knew his friend had a point, even through his troubled start on college, when he was all kinds of messed up, Nate hadn't yet seen Lucas with a girl and that hadn't changed to this day, though he never asked why and Lucas didn't intend on giving him an opening to do so. Riley… she was off limits. It hurt a little less if he didn't talk about her.

But it wasn't like he had completely closed himself up. He talked to most people on his football team and he was pleasant to his classmates and teachers, he'd just rather maintain a safe distance. He'd made the mistake of getting too attached once, he wasn't looking forward to doing it again. He had his family and Nate and Lucas found that to be more than enough. He still talked to his friends in New York on occasion, mostly Zay, but it wasn't the same anymore. Time and distance had taken their toll on all of them. As for Riley, he hadn't seen or talked to her since the break up. He'd never ask about her either, afraid of what type of news he might get. Lucas knew she'd likely moved on and he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy... He'd just rather be spared the details.

Pappy Joe asked him about his classes as well, he always did, and as usual Lucas told him how in love he was with veterinary medicine. It was the right career for him, but that they'd both known for years. He described his whole schedule to his grandfather, who listened intently to every detail. Lucas then explained about the volunteer tutoring he had been doing and the extra credit he would start getting this semester, for the work he would begin at A&M's Veterinary Medical Teaching Hospital. He wasn't required to work there just yet, but his favorite teacher Mrs. Collin, given Lucas's great promise, had suggested he took an early start, so he could get more experience.

It wasn't until he was done rambling about his routine that Lucas realized he had been the only one talking for over an hour, while his grandfather simply stared at the horizon, seemingly lost in thought.

"Pappy Joe, is everything ok?"

"I don't know, Lucas, you tell me." He frowned, looking back at his grandson.

"Hum, I'm not sure I know what you mean." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, a little intimidated under his grandfather's stare.

"You've just spent the past two hours telling me about all the exciting things you're doing on college and, while I'm happy for you, I'm also worried. You're always either on class or studying or practicing or playing or volunteering and, God, now you're about to start working at the hospital too."

"I still don't see the problem." Lucas muttered, not meeting Joe's eyes.

"It's too much, Luke. When are you living? When do you have time for yourself, for _your_ needs, not as a student, not as the quarterback, but as Lucas Friar? Look, all I'm saying is… be careful, I know you're doing your best and you should, this is your moment to shine, just don't burn yourself out too quickly."

Lucas nodded "I'll try." He hated to lie to him.

His grandfather didn't get it. _That was exactly the point_. Yes, Lucas had a lot on his plate right now, but it was a win win situation. By packing up his schedule, he was not only making the most of his college experience, but he also kept himself busy enough not to think about Riley. Whenever he had too much time to spare, his mind helplessly wandered back to the pretty brunette who stole his heart in seventh grade. And no matter how fond of their memories Lucas was, the knowledge those moments were forever behind him was a knife to the heart. So he worked. Lucas worked through his every waking moment so he wouldn't get too caught up in his thoughts of Riley all the while, inwardly, doing his very best to make her proud. He decided not to argue with his grandpa about it though, he sure wasn't going to try and explain his reasons, Joe wouldn't understand even if he did. Instead, the two Friars just fell in a comfortable silence, watching the sun hide behind a distant hill.

"This was your grandmother's favorite time of the day." Joe declared softly, a unique kindness to his voice Lucas only ever heard when he talked about his late wife "We'd sit here just like this for hours. We never ran out of things to talk about. Oh Katherine, she… she never ceased to amaze me. She used to say people were like sunsets, a balance of light and dark, always different, but beautiful in their own way."

"You miss her." It wasn't a question. Pappy Joe simply rolled his head forward, a half smile gracing his features.

"Every day."

"Does it still hurt?" Lucas asked carefully. His grandfather rarely talked about Nana Katy and Lucas genuinely wanted to know, even if mostly for his own selfish reasons.

"It did. For a long time. You'd think the hardest part about losing someone you love is the separation, that very moment when you're pulled apart from the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. But it isn't. The worst part is living through the aftermath. The next morning and every other one after that, when you have to get up and go about life as if a huge part of it hadn't been taken away."

"How do you make it stop?" His voice was almost inaudible, asking the question Lucas wanted more than anything to have answered.

"You don't. You wait. You do your best to keep living, even when it feels like you're just surviving. And someday, you wake up and it hurts less. Someday you wake up and the pain has turned into something else, a resigned longing, wrapped in the comfort that comes with knowing you made the most of the time you had together."

He was taken aback by his grandfather's words. Throughout his life, Pappy Joe had taught him many lessons, shared various pieces of advice, so Lucas was no stranger to his wisdom. Still, this was unlike any other conversation he had ever had with Joe. And he just so happened to have chosen today, of all days, to… That's when it hit him. Coincidence? Maybe. But Lucas didn't believe in those, something he'd learned from his grandfather himself.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know what day it is." He admitted without a trace of hesitation, his voice calm and steady as he continued, ignoring Lucas's surprise "You might be fooling everyone else, Luke, maybe even yourself. But you ain't fooling me. And I know you don't like talking about this, so I'm only going to say it once. If you believe there's even the slightest chance you can save your relationship with Riley, do it. Do everything you can. Because that comfort I was talking about, you'll never find it if you give up. And you deserve better than to live haunted by your past and all its what ifs."

Lucas's eyes were locked on his grandfather's, but it felt like he was looking right through him, his gaze empty as his mind wandered somewhere else, on someone else, and Pappy Joe had a pretty good guess as to whom. Hopefully Lucas had understood the message. Joe had watched him hit rock bottom, rise against all odds and fight every day since to be his very best self. But beneath all that, the boy was still just as broken as he'd been when Joe picked him up at that airport. He couldn't just stand by and witness his grandson's suffering. None the less, he knew Lucas needed time, so he changed the subject.

"It's getting late, we better check on Sophia."

"Yeah. Of course."

They walked to the barn together, Lucas's mind racing with a million thoughts per second, thoughts he hadn't allowed anywhere but in his dreams for years. Had he not left all his hope at that airport back in New York? Was it possible that after all this time there was still a chance for him? For them? Was he willing to risk putting himself through all that pain again? And could he even survive it this time if it came to it?

All those questions disappeared a second later. The voices in his head went silent as he opened the door to the barn, his eyes scanning over Sophia's stable. He couldn't see her and, unfortunately, Lucas knew exactly what it meant. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, forcing his legs to take him closer to the stable, where Sophia laid lifeless on the ground. His grandfather said nothing as he walked past Lucas, crouching next to the horse, losing his balance in the process. Lucas hurried to his side, helping Joe steady himself and finally kneeling next to him, watching the old man caress Sophia's belly.

"Of course this would happen today." He muttered underneath his breath, frustrated.

"It's life, Luke. It's just life." Pappy Joe sighed "She was suffering. I hate to see her go too, but she deserves the rest." He finally looks up, his eyes finding Lucas's and a small smile curling the corners of his lips "Thank you. For helping me take care of her these last couple years and for being here today, just… thank you."

"No, Pappy Joe." He smiled back at his grandfather, Joe's words of wisdom once again replaying through his head, a warmth he hadn't felt for a long time taking hold of his Lucas's heart "Thank _you_."


	9. CHAPTER NINE: Look Your Past in The Eye

**Author's note: a couple of really important things happen on this chapter, reason why it's long, but also one of my favorite ones yet! Thank you for sticking with me on this story and for all your support! I hope you enjoy this update! Please let me know your feelings about it… I suspect you'll have a lot of them once you finish! haha**

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINE: Look Your Past in The Eye**

Time had flown by for the last couple of months. As expected, Chris loved the idea of holding the fundraiser at Topanga's and having a place and date to work with, organizing the event was much easier, though all the same time consuming. For those two months that lead up to Thanksgiving, Riley and Christopher spent practically all their time together, making sure everything was perfect for the big night. It didn't go unnoticed by Maya.

It'd been a while since Riley spent most of her free time with Christopher anyway, but things had escalated to a whole new level these past few weeks. She barely ever saw her roommate anymore, the girl she once called best friend. Lately, even when Riley did spend time with her, their conversations had mostly become shallow and that was, of course, when they didn't fight.

As for Riley, she was just glad for having something to keep her mind busy and the fact it was all for a good cause was a big bonus. Working on this project with Chris was the best idea she'd had in years. It got her parents off her back, it eased their hearts to Riley her engaged on something again, after living life on standby for so long, and it was a good excuse to get herself out of virtually any situation. Whenever someone would corner her, for example, which seemed to have become Maya's new favorite hobby, all she had to do was excuse herself to solve whatever 'pressing issue' about the fundraiser that needed her attending.

But there was more. Being at the shelter… it reminded her of Lucas. At first, Riley had tried convincing herself she wasn't doing it because of him, she told her heart time and again that this was about helping the animals and helping Chris and while those were true… she'd be lying to say Lucas had nothing to do with it.

When Christopher took Riley to the shelter with him for the first time, he was awfully excited. He was a few months away from graduating business school back then and he'd been helping the shelter with their administrative issues for over a year. She smiled and listened intently to everything he had to say, as Chris filled her in on all the projects he had for the place and showered Riley with funny stories, reason why she didn't have the heart to tell him his tour, though entertaining, wasn't at all necessary. She'd been there before. _With Lucas_.

He too had volunteered at Pet's Haven, all throughout sophomore and junior year of high school. However, when senior year came around, the pressure to excel academically and get accepted to a good college became too much, to all of them. It'd been really hard for Lucas letting go of something he was so passionate about, but he'd done his best to stay positive, certain there was a greater purpose behind it all. She still recalled lying with him on his bed, it was late afternoon and Lucas had just stopped by the shelter to deliver the bad news and, while he was clearly upset, he managed to smile in the comfort of Riley's embrace.

' _It's not the end. I can't be there right now, but I'm gonna study real hard and, someday, I'm gonna go back and help again, except this time I'll be a vet, which means I'll do a lot more than just bathing, feeding and cleaning._ ' He'd laughed then; God she recalled it so clearly. If Riley closed her eyes she could practically feel him snuggling his head between her neck and shoulder, while she caressed his hair.

Those words had been replaying in her head nonstop for months, ever since Chris told her how bad the shelter was doing budget wise. Despite his efforts to keep the place running, two companies that'd been donating for years withdrew their help and there was a very real chance Pet's Haven would close its doors. The long lost memory flashed back to Riley's mind more vivid than ever. She couldn't let that happen. She had to do something… _for him_.

Riley didn't understand it herself, if she was honest. Why was she suddenly so keen on keeping Lucas's promise alive when she'd spent the better part of her last two years running away from just about anything that reminded her of him? She never talked or asked about her ex-boyfriend, part of her felt like she didn't have the right to. And Lucas had never contacted her either, so he probably didn't want her to know anyway. She just prayed her sacrifice had been worth it and he was doing okay.

Maybe it was the fact nobody knew about her bond to the shelter. Her friends knew Lucas had volunteered there, though Riley doubted they even remembered it, but as far as they were concerned she had no reason to be attached to the place. Christopher had no idea either, to him she was probably just being a supportive friend. It put the pressure of. It was the first time since their breakup Riley had a chance to think about Lucas, do something for him even, without anyone knowing or trying to intervene. It was the first time she'd been able to reminisce in some happy memories of their relationship, without being whiplashed back to reality by the familiar pain they were usually accompanied by.

On that morning, on Thanksgiving's eve, she arrived at the bakery early, having to be there for when the food and drinks were delivered. Chris would unfortunately be working at the office today, but he had promised to leave as soon as possible and go straight to Topanga's after so he could help. She had guaranteed him it was okay, Christopher had graduated a little over six months ago and he'd just gotten a new job at a pretty great company, she wouldn't want him to risk it by missing work. Plus, Maya had volunteered to help.

Riley hated to admit, but she'd been hesitant to accept the blonde's offer at first. One of the best parts about this whole idea was the fact she could enjoy the memories she cherished without reliving the ones that haunted her. With Maya there, that would very likely be ruined. As of late, Riley could feel her muscles tensing up whenever her friend wanted to talk, the more time passed the more pushy Maya became of _'the-Lucas-subject'_ , instead of simply letting it go like Riley desperately wanted her to. Still, she missed her, so she said yes.

Now, they worked in silence on opposite sides of the bakery, the brunette sat at the counter rechecking the list of items that had just been delivered, while the blonde hung the photos Riley had taken of the shelter on one of the walls.

"These look great, Riles." Maya smiled, looking down at the picture of a puppy "And the flyers came together really nicely too."

"Thanks." She answered absentmindedly, still focused on the list "Chris and I had some trouble with the design, but all in all I think the end result was pretty good."

"You should have told me. I could have helped." Maya hated the sadness in her voice, but she couldn't help it. It hurt to know it didn't occur to Riley asking her for help with the design. She was an art major for God's sake.

"I didn't want to bother you." Riley said carefully, noticing the shift in Maya's tone.

"Of course." The blonde sighed "So, what are your plans for tomorrow?" She changed the subject, determined not to let the conversation die down, not when this kind of alone time had become so rare for them.

"Well, you know, same old. My family is coming over, Mom is planning a big feast… I figured Josh would have told you already."

"Yeah, yeah, that's right, he did, it just kinda slipped my mind." No, it didn't. It just so happened Maya had no idea how to even make small talk with Riley nowadays.

"You coming with him?"

"I guess so. I've always loved spending the holidays with your family and I doubt Shawn would miss it. So yeah, we'll probably join you."

"We'll be happy to have you." Riley answered politely, ignoring the strange taste the words left in her mouth. Why did she feel the need to be so formal with her best friend?

Finally done checking the delivery, Riley looked around for what to do next, deciding to start with the table spreads "Maybe we should put on some music." The brunette suggested, bothered by the uncomfortable silence filling the space between Maya and her. _Today will be a good day_ , she repeated in her head like a mantra.

The blonde couldn't look away as her friend hummed to the songs, working her way through the tables. Riley was smiling. She was really smiling, almost like the old Riley would. Was this actually happening? Could it possibly be that Riley was finding the way back to herself at last? Eventually the brunette caught Maya's attentive stare, knitting her brows at her for a second, before returning her attention to the task at hand.

"What?" She asked within a chuckle, still feeling Maya's eyes on her.

"Nothing, you just, you look happy." Maya answered; a weak smile on her lips.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Riley's voice came out more defensive than intended.

"Yes, of course it is, it's just that, I mean, you've been kinda down for a while and now… you know what, just forget it." She shook her head, mentally slapping herself.

"Well, I am. _I'm_ _happy_." Even as Riley said it, she was aware of how unsure she sounded. She knew Maya noticed it too, the pitch in her tone, the uncertainty behind it, so she kept trying to convince the blonde… or perhaps herself "It's a great cause, you know. Plus, I've had a great time working with Chris."

"Oh I'm sure you did." She hadn't meant to say it, the thought escaped her. And of course the harshness of her tone didn't help. But it was out there now, she couldn't take it back. Maya closed her eyes, bracing herself for the inevitable.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Riley snapped back, not entirely surprised by the comment.

The blonde took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. Of course they would argue, how silly of her to believe this could just be a fun time with her best friend. Hands curled into fists, Maya turned around, brown orbs boring into blue ones. She hated to fight with Riley; it was emotionally exhausting to say the least. Nevertheless, Maya was way too fed up with the past two years of biting her tongue, trying to save a relationship Riley didn't seem all that interested on being a part of. Next think she knew all her bottled up disappointment had metamorphosed into words.

"It means you've replaced me. It means you've kicked me out of your life without warning and moved on to the next best thing." She all but yelled, an edge to Maya's voice Riley had never heard before.

"That's not what happened." She whispered, frozen and wide eyed, taken aback by Maya's sudden outburst.

"Yeah? Then what _did_ happen, Riley? Help me here, because from where I'm standing it looks a hell of a lot like you ditched me for you new little best friend." Her voice was even louder, but this time slightly hoarse. Maya's jaw tightened, she could feel her eyes burning with the gathering tears already so she refrained from blinking, trying to focus on the anger rather than on the hurt. She wouldn't cry, not now.

Riley seemed to finally have snapped out of her initial shock, cheeks reddening with rage as her heartbeat fastened, her tone just as furious as the blonde's.

"It's my life, Maya! I get to be friends with whoever I want! And yeah, I'm friends with Chris. I'm sorry I didn't realize it had to be a choice between him and you. But you know what? He's the one who's always there for me. He doesn't judge and he doesn't push and he sure as hell doesn't rub my wrongs in my face. But you? Lately that's all you do! You're always accusing me of something. And I'm so tired of you constantly questioning my choices!"

"Don't I have a good reason to?" She didn't yell this time, her voice steady and cold. Maya watched as realization hit the brunette.

"You did not just say that." Riley muttered through gritted teeth, her eyes filled with fury, but glassy with tears.

Maya's first instinct was apologizing, but she forced herself not to. She'd had enough. She knew Riley was hurting but so was she. And it was about time her friend understood just how done Maya was with this situation. So if she no longer cared enough to ask, Maya would give Riley a piece of her mind.

"Yes, I did. And it's true. Ever since you stole that stupid letter you've been making mistake upon mistake and I tried to give you time and be understanding, but I can't anymore. I'm not gonna hold your hand while you go down willingly. And you know what? Of course Christopher won't tell you any of this! Do you know why? Because he has no idea! He doesn't know you like I do and he doesn't have a clue about what you did. So go ahead, push me away, it's not like you've been doing it for the past two years. I'm tired of pretending everything is fine, Riley, it's not! And if you could look your past in the eye for two seconds and stop pretending your problems don't exist, you'd see you're drowning on them."

Maya didn't wait for Riley's response; she couldn't even look at her. In a matter of seconds she was storming out of the bakery, leaving behind a stunned Riley completely speechless. The brunette stood still, staring blankly at the door, her breaths heavy as the first tear rolled down her face. She closed her eyes causing a few more to emerge, her right hand reaching up her chest, making sure her heart was still beating, no matter how broken. Her sobs echoed around the empty bakery as her legs gave in and Riley fell to her knees.

 **\- x -**

"Everything looks beautiful, honey." Topanga smiled at her proudly.

"Everyone seems to be having a great time." Cory added, wrapping an arm around his wife.

"Thank you. And thanks for coming too and for letting me use the space of course." She attempted to sound cheerful, all the while avoiding her parents eyes so maybe they wouldn't notice Riley's smile didn't reach hers.

"Don't even mention it!" Topanga rubbed her daughter's arm reassuringly "Now go, we wouldn't want to steal the hostess for too long."

She nodded and walked away, glad to be alone for a second. It'd been a long day, which was thankfully coming to an end. This was not how she'd planned today to go. It was supposed to be fun and spirit lifting, instead all she wanted was to call it a night and crawl into bed. She'd cried for hours straight after her fight with Maya, only stopping to the ringing of her phone. It was Chris calling to tell her he'd managed to get off work early and would be at the bakery shortly, which meant she had no more than a few minutes to put herself together and get back to work. Riley must have done a good job at disguising her inner battles, since Chris didn't make any questions. Either that or he simply knew she wouldn't want to talk about it.

It didn't matter really, soon enough he was cracking jokes left and right or ruining one of Riley's favorite songs with his terrible singing voice and, though she didn't find it in her to join him, she was more than glad for his company and the comfort that came with it. At least she still had Chris. With his help, she managed to finish prepping everything in time. Riley ran home for a quick shower and change and soon enough they were welcoming their guests at Topanga's and taking turns making the rounds. Against all odds she'd survived the day, she just had to get through a couple more hours.

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman."

Riley blinked at the familiar voice, turning around in search of its source. A second later her eyes found Christopher standing by the bookshelves on the back wall. He looked incredible on his button down deep red shirt; the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His recently cut brown hair was styled to the side, his shinning caramel eyes perfectly matching his most charming smile, as he faced the crowd, a microphone on his hand.

"Thank you all for coming tonight and so kindly dedicating your time to our cause. I cannot tell you how much it means to us. I've been a volunteer at Pet's Haven for almost three years now and I can honestly say it's been one of the best and most humbling experiences of my life. It's inspiring to witness all the hard work these people put into saving such fragile lives that for some reason were taken as disposable by someone else. I've seen animals brought to the shelter near dead leaving it with a family. Because that's what we do, we take care of them, protect them, until some loving people can find their way to us, claiming their place as rightful owners of the cute little guys you've seen all over the walls tonight."

It was amazing, he had full control of the room. The bakery was packed with people and Chris had somehow managed to captivate every single one of them. To say Riley was proud of him would be a huge understatement.

"It takes time, effort and love. But don't worry, all of those we've got covered. However, it also takes money and that's where hopefully you come in. We've just recently lost two of our biggest sponsors and, without their donations, we can't afford to keep Pet's Haven alive. So we turn to you tonight, on Thanksgiving's eve, hoping you're willing to give a little back. There's no such thing as a small donation, I assure you that. Just please look deep into your hearts and give as much as they tell you to, however much you can. Don't do it for me, do it for them." Christopher gestured to the pictures, taking a second to look at them himself. The room was dead silent, people held their breaths waiting for him to finish his speech with some heartfelt line, when he rolled his head forward, a chuckle escaping him "Because their puppy dog eyes are way better than mine."

The whole crowd roared with laughter, giving him a standing ovation. Christopher smiled and bowed his head in thanks a couple of times, his eyes scanning through the room until they finally landed on Riley "Thank you, thanks everyone. I promise I'll stop babbling and let you return to your drinks and food in a second, but I can't possibly do that before giving a very special thanks to a dear friend of mine. So get over here already, little Matthews!"

Riley could feel her cheeks burning as she made her way to Christopher, every eye in the room glued to her, people clapping and smiling encouragingly. Once she approached him, Christopher extended her his hand, which she took gladly. Intertwining their fingers, he smiled through his next words, though still speaking on the mike, his eyes never left hers, as if they were the only two people in the room.

"Tonight wouldn't have happened without you. Not only did you come up with this wonderful idea, I've also seen you work harder than anyone to make it happen. I can't thank you enough for your generosity and dedication. I'm so incredibly proud and honored to call you my friend. So thank you for allowing me into your life and for being the person you are." Finally Christopher returned his attention to the room, gently pushing Riley forward as he spoke "So everybody, please give a big round of applause to the woman who made tonight possible, Riley Matthews!"

Riley jokingly curtsied, unsure of how to act before that many people, but smiling relieved once she heard Chris laughing behind her. As the audience returned to their own conversations, dispersing around the room, she turned back to her friend, who was already sweeping Riley into a hug and spinning her around.

"The fundraiser is a success and it's all thanks to you!" He cheered, letting go of the hug, but holding onto her shoulders.

"Me? You were the one charm talking them into opening their wallets!" She poked his chest playfully.

"Fingers crossed it worked." Chris grinned, taking Riley's arm and lapping it through his, as he guided them across the sea of people filling Topanga's.

Maybe she could have some fun tonight after all.

 **\- x -**

"Bye Mrs. McCarty. Thanks for coming and thank you so very much for your generous donation." Christopher said pleasantly, holding the door open for the older woman.

"Oh but of course. How could anyone say no to that face?" She rested a hand against his cheek, smiling suggestively.

"Hum, thanks… have a good night." He waved her off and closing the door once she was gone "That was the last one."

"For a second there I thought she'd ask you to take her home." Riley mocked him, buttoning up her coat.

"I know, me too!" He joked, a horrified look on his face.

Their laughter died down, being replaced by silence, the same insistent feeling Christopher had tried to shake all night resurfacing. Despite the smile she'd put on, something seemed off with Riley this evening… and he might know just the reason why "I didn't see Maya tonight."

"That's because she didn't come." She answered shortly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Only then did Riley raise her stare to his and suddenly no more words were necessary "Okay."

Having finished gathering his belongings, Christopher observed curiously as Riley fumbled through the cushions on the sofa. Slightly confused, he looked around, spotting her purse on the coffee table "Hum, hum." He cleared his throat dramatically, calling her attention and waving the bag around for a second, before finally handing it back to Riley "Can I give you a ride home?"

"I'd love that." She nodded with a smile "I just need to turn the power off back in my Mom's office and lock the place up, but you can go to the car, I'll only be a minute."

"Okay." He watched as she started making her way to the back of the bakery "Hey, Riley." When she turned around Christopher was smirking at her, his voice soft as he continued "You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you." She whispered looking down, her cheeks reddened by the compliment.

He smiled to himself, happy with her reaction, and turned around making his way to the car. Riley hurried to her mother's office, not wanting to leave him waiting outside in the cold any longer than necessary. She was about to turn off the lights when she heard Topanga's familiar door bell. Chris had probably forgotten something. She walked back to the front of the bakery to check.

"Did you forget any…" Riley stopped mid sentence, all air knocked out of her lungs, shock filling her veins and heart racing as her brain tried to make sense of the unbelievable image before her widened eyes.

"Hi." Lucas whispered through a shy smile.


	10. CHAPTER TEN: Some Things Never Change

**Author's note: thank you so very much for your feedback on the last chapter, guys! Also, I'm sorry for that cliffhanger, but hopefully it was worth the wait! Please let me know what you think about this chapter, I truly hope you like it!**

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 **CHAPTER TEN: Some Things Never Change**

 _"Hi."_

Lucas held his breath as he waited for Riley to speak.

Somehow, she looked even more beautiful than he remembered. She was mesmerizing in every memory, breathtaking in every dream, but none would ever do justice to what it felt like to actually stare into her eyes and lose himself on their hypnotizing melted chocolate. There was a magic to Riley, one Lucas had always known, but could never quite explain. Her mere presence warmed his very soul; silenced every one of his demons. _God, he'd missed her_. More than words could say, way more than Lucas would admit to himself for his sanity's sake. He'd missed her with all of his heart and a little bit more with his every breath.

When Riley Matthews first walked into his life she turned his world upside down. Over two years ago, she did it again, walking out of it. And now here they were, what felt like a few lifetimes later, two completely different people. Long gone were the kids who fell in love in middle school. They were grownups, ex-lovers and possibly strangers at this point. For most of his flight, Lucas tried to prepare himself for the worst, he pictured Riley walking away or yelling at him for daring come after her. But as the blonde stood before the only girl he ever loved, seconds ticking by painfully slow while she refused to grace him with a single word, Lucas had to face just how unprepared he was to experience her rejection again.

"Hey." She finally breathed out.

"Hi." He smiled to himself, relieved by the familiarity of the scene. Maybe some things would never change.

" _You're here_." Riley whispered in disbelief, closing her eyes for a second and shaking her head, as if expecting Lucas to vanish, and looking even more confused when he didn't "What are you doing here?"

"Home for the holidays. Just touched down."

"Oh." Was all she managed to say, still too stunned to speak.

"I stopped by your house. Your dad said you'd be here." Riley simply nodded and, breaking eye contact for the first time since Lucas walked in, she looked down. He wrecked his brain for something else to say, anything. Did she even want to talk to him at all? "So, how have you been?"

Riley didn't have the chance to answer. The bell echoed around Topanga's once again, a cold breeze blowing through the bakery as the door swung open and in walked a man.

"Are you _trying_ to make me freeze to death out there, little Matthews?" The guy chuckled, his smile faltering the second his eyes fell upon Lucas.

The Texan frowned at the stranger, looking back at Riley who didn't seem the slightest bit fazed by his arrival. _Little Matthews?_ This couldn't be happening. Could they possibly…? _No_. Lucas forced the thought away as Riley cut through the awkward silence.

"Sorry, Chris." Her voice sounded hoarse, like it used to when Riley was trying not to cry. Lucas felt his chest tighten. Was it because of him? Was she this upset to see him again? "This is Lucas. An old friend of mine." She added, avoiding his stare. _An old friend_. Was that all he was? Or more accurately, could he even say they were friends still?

"Oh, hi! I'm Christopher." A pleasant smile grew back on his features. The man extended his hand for Lucas to shake, which the blonde took numbly "I'm sorry, I hate to interrupt, but it's getting late and I should really take you home, Riles."

"I can give you a ride if you want." Lucas blurted out.

He couldn't help the eagerness of his tone. He hadn't seen her in two years. He'd kept his distance and respected her wishes and hated every second of it. But now they were both here, face to face for the first time in forever. He'd dreamed of the day he'd see her again more times than he could count. He flew two thousand miles for this. He hadn't even had the chance to talk to her yet. Lucas wasn't about to stand back and let what's-his-face ruin the very moment he'd been living for.

His eyes pierced into Riley's as he waited for her answer. This was it. If she wanted nothing to do with him, she'd say no. Coming here, he knew it was a possibility, but Pappy Joe was right, he had to at least try. Lucas wouldn't know peace until he'd done everything in his power to save his relationship with her. When she broke up with him, Lucas had been clear, he told Riley they didn't work as friends, not as _just friends_ anyway, and he still believed that with every fiber of his being. But he missed her. Scratch that, he _needed_ her. So even if they could never be more than friends again, Lucas was sure now, more than ever before, he needed Riley Matthews in his life.

"Okay." She said so faintly he nearly missed it. Her expression was unreadable.

"Are you sure?" Christopher walked over to the brunette, his hands resting on her shoulders. She just nodded "Alright, call me when you get home." He pulled Riley into a hug, kissing her forehead. Lucas failed not to look away. He couldn't bear watching, nor did he want to think about what it meant "It was nice meeting you, Lucas. Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Back at you." He mumbled as Christopher walked past him, patting Lucas's shoulder. It was only once he heard the door shut that the Texan managed to speak again, his voice more bitter than intended "Your boyfriend seems nice."

"He's a great guy." Riley folded her hands; crushing Lucas's heart between her palms, only the actual damage was done by her words. He wasn't ready for this. How many times did he have to lose her to understand it was over? Lucas was about ready to leave with whatever was left of his dignity when Riley took a hesitant step forward, looking up at him through her eyelashes "He's just not my boyfriend."

Lucas didn't bother controlling the grin that spread through his features. In the back of his mind, Lucas knew this didn't mean anything for him, for them, or at least that it shouldn't. Just because Riley wasn't dating Christopher it didn't mean she wasn't seeing anyone else and even if she _were_ single, it had nothing to do with him. Even so, watching Riley's smile grow and mirror his own, Lucas's chest was filled with something so foreign it took his heart a second to recognize it. _Hope_.

The abysm between them seemed to shrink as his stare and Riley's intertwined, saying everything and nothing much like before, back when they were able to read each other's hearts. But too soon the moment was gone. Riley was the first to look away, on a hopeless attempt to ease the intensity of the atmosphere, Lucas being too entranced in her eyes to notice how long they'd just been standing there, surrounded by the silence of a thousand words unsaid.

"Are you hungry?" She hurried behind the counter, making herself busy "We were hosting an event tonight. There's still some food, drinks…"

"I could use something to eat." He took a stool on the counter, his eyes following Riley's every move while she fixed them some snacks "So what kind of event?"

"A fundraiser. For Pet's Haven." Riley looked over her shoulder to find a worried look painted all over Lucas's face, urging her to explain "Two companies withdrew their donations; we thought they might have to close the place, so we decided to help. And we had a great turnout tonight, so hopefully it'll be enough to keep it running for a while, at least until they can find some new sponsors." She tried to sound positive.

"We? We as in…?" He played with the tiles on the counter, his aspect carved with a frown.

"Christopher and I. He's been a volunteer there for a few years." Riley put a plate filled with various canapés before him, turning around to grab them something to drink "We still have some wine, would you like a glass?"

"No, thanks. Water is just fine." He noticed her curious look, but Riley didn't ask, pouring them two glasses of water before walking around the counter and taking the stool next to him "So the fundraiser, it was his idea?"

"No… It was mine." It may have been the way she looked at him or her knowing smile as she sang the words, but right that second Lucas could swear both their hearts wandered back to the same memory. Oh, how he longed to have her in his arms again.

" _I miss you_." Lucas thought to himself. Except… except he didn't just think it, Riley's widened eyes told him so a second after his confession.

"So… how's A&M?" Riley shifted in her seat, changing the subject, to Lucas's relief.

"Good. Yeah, the veterinary program is incredible; really, it's everything they said it would be and more. And I'm playing too, football. I'm quarterback. And I'll start working at the animal hospital soon. So yes, A&M is very good." He spilled the words nervously, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans. Had he really just told her he missed her?

"Lucas, that's great!" He watched surprised as Riley's smile found its way back to her lips seamlessly, while the brunette turned on the stool, facing him completely "You have no idea how happy that makes me. I'm…" When her hand reached for his shoulder, they both held their breaths. It was a simple, soft touch, still it felt like her fingertips set his skin on fire "I'm so proud of you!" She beamed at him, her eyes shiny with tears.

"Thank you." He said breathlessly "Thank you, Riley, that means the world to me." She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and Lucas could swear for a split second her stare traveled to his lips. On his next heartbeat, however, Riley's eyes were glued to her shoes and her hand was gone, his shoulder cold from its absence.

Was she really proud of him? Was her skin burning like his? Because if that was so, if he could be good enough for her this time around, if she could feel the same fire he did whenever they touched, didn't that mean they had a chance? Before Lucas could dive any deeper on his wishful thinking Riley hopped off her stool. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to focus back on their conversation.

"What about NYU?"

"Hum, good, yeah, it's… it's good." She put away their empty plate and glasses "I'm a journalism major."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, took me a while to decide, but I like it so far. I don't know, I just love the idea of getting to know people's stories and helping tell them. I've also been taking photography classes. Turns out the saying it's true, sometimes a picture _is_ worth a thousand words."

"What about these? Did you take them?" Lucas got up from his seat, looking around the picture covered walls.

"I did." She admitted shyly.

"Riley, they look great!"

"Thanks! Let's face it though, it's hard to take a bad picture of a cute puppy." She chuckled; thankful Lucas was too distracted with the photos to notice the blush coloring her cheeks.

"Pet's Haven… I miss that place." He sighed, nostalgic.

"You can always visit." Riley offered, walking over to Lucas until she was only a couple steps behind him.

"Would you go with me?" He looked back, rising a brow at her, a smirk on his lips.

"Sure, why not." Riley half smiled, rocking on her heels "How long are you staying?"

"I fly back the day after Thanksgiving." Lucas answered, stepping closer.

"Oh, right." She looked down, her voice barely a whisper. Lucas had always hated to see her sad, but he'd be lying to saying there wasn't a small part of him that enjoyed the thought of Riley wishing he would stay longer. Aware he could be pushing his luck, he took another step, closing even further the space between them.

"I'll be back for Christmas though." Her head shot up, Riley's mouth agape with surprise, her eyes shining with content. Lucas bit his lip, trying to hide his grin.

"That's nice. That's really nice." Riley shook her head, smiling to herself, only now acknowledging the fact they were standing mere centimeters apart.

 _She did it again_. This time Lucas was certain he hadn't just imagined it. He could feel his lips tingle under Riley's stare. Against his better judgment, his gaze traveled down to hers as well. He'd give anything to know what she was thinking, considering the only coherent thought his brain could muster was _'kiss her'_. The softness of her lips, their warmth and sweetness, Lucas recalled every detail about her lips and he wanted so badly to taste them again.

He knew he shouldn't. There was history and there was pain, but there wasn't room neither on the few inches that now stood between Riley and him. Lucas closed his eyes as his heart took over. He felt himself leaning in, a smile curling his lips as he felt Riley's breath tickle his skin. He was a second away from closing the gap between them completely when a loud buzzing sound echoed around the bakery.

Lucas blinked as he tried to steady his heartbeats, watching Riley fish a phone out of her purse and read through the inconvenient text message. She typed a quick reply, returning her attention to him.

"It was my mom. It's pretty late, she was worried." Lucas looked down at his watch, surprised to see it was almost one in the morning already "We should probably go home."

"Yes, of course. I'll get us a cab." He reached for his phone readily, requesting a car on his taxi app.

"A cab? You said you could give me a ride home." Riley folded her arms, rising a brow at him, amused rather than disappointed.

"I did, didn't I?" He chuckled apprehensively, rubbing the back of his neck "I just, I really wanted to talk to you. I was afraid if you left I wouldn't get the chance… I'm sorry I lied."

"I'm not. I'm glad you did."

In a couple of minutes their car arrived. They closed the bakery, stepping out into the cold November night. As Riley shivered on her way up the stairs, Lucas had to refrain from wrapping his arms around her. It was second nature to him, muscle memory if you will, but it wasn't his place anymore. Besides, he'd done enough of a bold move back at Topanga's, he didn't want to overstep. The boundaries between what they were once and what they were now had been blurred and Lucas would rather not risk whatever progress he hoped they'd made tonight.

He opened the door for her and Riley hopped on the taxi, giving the driver the directions to her parent's place.

"I'll be with my family the whole day tomorrow." She stared at her hands as they fidgeted with the buttons on her coat.

"Me too." Lucas said gently, wondering why she suddenly sounded anxious.

"Yes, of course." She laughed nervously "But I, hum, I'd like to see you again before you leave… if that's ok."

"I'd like that." He admitted, sheepishly.

"What time to does your flight take off?"

"Seven." When Riley mouthed an _'oh'_ he felt his smile waver "Yeah, I'll have to be there pretty early…"

"Why don't I give you a ride to the airport then?" She interrupted him, smiling expectantly.

"You have a car?" Lucas inquired, surprised by her suggestion.

"Of course not, I'll get us a cab!" She rolled her eyes, like that was the obvious answer.

"Oh, I see." He nudged her playfully, both laughing at their own inside joke. It was amusing how easy it was for them to fall back into rhythm, to talk and laugh as if nothing had changed. _Except everything had_. But Lucas would gladly ignore that for a night.

Soon they were pulling over in front of the Matthew's building and after insisting he'd pay for the taxi, he escorted Riley to the door.

"Home, safe and sound." He buried his hands on his pockets, trying not to think about how many times they stood at this exact same spot, only then he'd been holding her hand or kissing her goodnight.

"Thank you for the ride and for the talk."

"It was my pleasure." He said honestly, nodding at her. She unlocked the door, holding it open, but still facing him.

"Well… Happy thanksgiving."

"Happy thanksgiving, Riley." He turned around, walking back to the car.

"Lucas." She called just as he'd opened the taxi's door. He looked back to find Riley gripping at the door, half hidden by it already. She coaxed her head, smiling at him sweetly "I miss you too."


End file.
